Whether because he felt himself to be helpless or because he really
understood that Don Luis was right and that his life was no longer worth
living, Siméon offered hardly any resistance. The revolver rose to his
forehead. The barrel touched his temple.
At the touch of the cold steel he gave a moan:
"Mercy!"
"No, no, no!" said Don Luis. "You mustn't show yourself any mercy. And I
won't help you either. Perhaps, if you hadn't killed my poor Ya-Bon, we
might have put our heads together and sought for another ending. But,
honestly, you inspire me with no more pity than you feel for yourself.
You want to die and you are right. I won't prevent you. Besides, your
passport is made out; you've got your ticket in your pocket. They are
expecting you down below. And, you know, you need have no fear of being
bored. Have you ever seen a picture of Hell? Every one has a huge stone
over his tomb; and every one is lifting the stone and supporting it with
his back, in order to escape the flames bursting forth beneath him. You
see, there's plenty of fun. Well, your grave is reserved. Bath's ready,
sir!"
Slowly and patiently he had succeeded in slipping the wretched man's
fore-finger under the handle, so as to bring it against the trigger.
Essarès was letting himself go. He was little more than a limp rag.
Death had already cast its shadow upon him.
"Mind you," said Don Luis, "you're perfectly free. You can pull the
trigger if you feel like it. It's not my business. I'm not here to
compel you to commit suicide, but only to advise you and to lend you a
hand."
He had in fact let go the fore-finger and was holding only the arm. But
he was bearing upon Essarès with all his extraordinary power of will,
the will to seek destruction, the will to seek annihilation, an
indomitable will which Essarès was unable to resist. Every second death
sank a little deeper into that invertebrate body, breaking up instinct,
obscuring thought and bringing an immense craving for rest and inaction.
"You see how easy it is. The intoxication is flying to your brain. It's
an almost voluptuous feeling, isn't it? What a riddance! To cease
living! To cease suffering! To cease thinking of that gold which you no
longer possess and can never possess again, of that woman who belongs to
another and offers him her lips and all her entrancing self! . . . You
couldn't live, could you, with that thought on you? Then come on! . . ."
Seized with cowardice, the wretch was yielding by slow degrees. He found
himself face to face with one of those crushing forces, one of nature's
forces, powerful as fate, which a man must needs accept. His head turned
giddy and swam. He was descending into the abyss.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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