England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
She was standing in the afternoon sunlight, dark, slim, alert,
intensely alive, full of a twisty varied knowledge, a creature of
another world. She felt that he must know and recognise the gulf
between if only he would look fairly at her.
He did look fairly, but he recognised only what was in his own mind.
"You are to me a beacon--" he began.
But she, realising at last that Denah's jealousy was not after all
without foundations, cut him short.
"I am not a beacon," she said, "before you take me for a guiding light
you had better hear something about me. Do you know why I came here? I
will tell you--it was to get your blue daffodil!"
He stared at her speechless, and she found it bad to see the surprise
and almost uncomprehending pain which came into his face, as into the
face of a child unjustly smitten. But she went on resolutely: "I heard
of it in England, that it was worth a lot of money--and I wanted
money--so I came here; I meant to get a bulb and sell it."
"You meant to?" he said slowly; "but you haven't--you couldn't?"
"I could, six times over if I liked."
"But you have not."
"No. I was a fool, and you were--Oh, I can't explain; you would never
understand, and it does not matter. The thing that matters is that I
came here to get your blue daffodil."
"You must have needed money very greatly," he said in a puzzled,
pitying voice.
"I did, I wanted it desperately, but that does not matter either--I
came here to steal; I go away because I am found out to have deceived
and to have behaved improperly--I want you to understand that."
"I do not understand," he answered; "I understand nothing but that you
are you, and--and I love you."
"You don't!" she cried in sharp protest. "You do not, and you cannot!
You think you love what you think I am. But I am not that; it is all
quite different; when you, know, when you realise, you will see it."
"I realise now," he answered; "it is still the light, only sometimes
dim."
"Dim!" she repeated, "it has gone out!"
"And if it has, what then? If you are all you say you are, and all
they say you are, and many worse things besides, what then? It makes
no difference."
He spoke with the curious quietness with which he always spoke of what
he was quite sure. But she drew back against the hedge, clasping her
hands together, her calmness all gone. "Oh, what have I done! What
have I done!" she said, overcome with pity and remorse.
He drew a step nearer, misinterpreting the emotion. "I will take care
of you," he said. "Will you not let me take care of you?"
She looked up, and though her eyes were full of tears he might have
read his answer there, in her recovered calmness, in the very
gentleness of her manner. "You cannot," she said sadly; "you couldn't
possibly do it. Don't you see that it is impossible? Your parents, the
people--"
"That is of no importance," he answered; "my parents would very soon
see you in your true light, and for the rest--what does it matter? If
you will marry me I--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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