Composers -- Fiction; German fiction -- Translations into English; Germany -- Fiction
Eleanore stepped out on the balcony. “The world is beautiful,” she
thought, and smiled at the fruitless efforts of a tiny beetle to climb
up a perpendicular leaf. “Perhaps it was after all merely a dream,” she
thought, and thereby consoled herself.
When she returned, Daniel was at her father’s. The two men were sitting
in the dark.
Eleanore lighted the lamp. Then she filled a glass with water, and put
the lilies of the valley in it.
“Daniel wants to know why you never visit them any more,” said Jordan,
weak and distraught as he now always was. “I told him you were busy at
present with great plans of your own. Well, what does the Frenchman
think about it?”
Eleanore answered her father’s question in a half audible voice.
“Go wherever you want to go, child,” said Jordan. “You have been
prepared for an independent life in the world for a long while; there is
no doubt about that. God forbid that I should put any hindrances in your
way.” He got up with difficulty, and turned toward the door of his room.
Taking hold of the latch, he stopped, and continued in his brooding way:
“It is peculiar that a man can die by inches in a living body; that a
man can have the feeling that he’s no longer a part of the present; and
that he can no longer play his rôle, keep up with his own people, grasp
what is going on about him, or know whether what is to come is good or
evil. It is fearful when a man reaches that stage, fearful—fearful!”
He left the room, shaking his head. To Daniel his words sounded like a
voice from the grave.
They had been silent for a long while, he and Eleanore. Suddenly he
asked gruffly: “Are you serious about going to Paris?”
“Of course I am,” she said, “what else can I do?”
He sprang up, and looked angrily into her face: “One has to be ashamed
of one’s self,” he said, “human language becomes repulsive. Don’t you
have a feeling of horror when you think? Don’t you shudder when you
reflect on that caricature known as the heart, or the soul, or whatever
it may be called?”
“I don’t understand you, Daniel,” said Eleanore. She would never have
considered it possible that he would look with disfavour on her
contrition and the decision that had sprung from it. Then it had not
after all been the flash of a solitary second? Had she not hoped and
expected to hear a self-accusation from him that would make her forget
all and forgive herself? Where was she? In what world or age was she
living?
“Do you believe that I merely wanted to enjoy a diverting and momentary
side-step?” Daniel continued, measuring her with his eyes from head to
foot. “Do you believe that it is possible to jest with the most sacred
laws of nature? You have had a good schooling, I must say; you do your
teachers honour. Go! I don’t need you. Go to Paris, and let me
degenerate!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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