Composers -- Fiction; German fiction -- Translations into English; Germany -- Fiction
That was all they said. The window was open; there was a mysterious
pulsing in the earth; the warm air had a disagreeable taste, somewhat
like that of sweet oil.
When the clock in the tower struck ten, Eleanore got up and said
good-night.
“Good-night!” replied Daniel, with bowed head.
V
That is the way it was now every evening between the two; for during the
day they scarcely saw each other.
Daniel would sit perfectly still for hours at a time and brood.
He could not forget. He could not forget the burning, smoking border of
the dress; nor the shoes that had some street mud on them; nor the face
with the pinched upper lip, the dishevelled hair, the nervously knitted
brow.
Under the linen in the clothes press he had found the silver buckle he
had given her. “Why did she hide it there?” he asked himself. The
condition of her soul when she opened the press and put the buckle in it
became vivid, real; it became blended with his own soul, a part of his
own being.
Then he discovered the harp without the strings. He took it to his room;
and when he looked at it, he had the feeling that he was looking at a
face without flesh.
“Am I too melancholy, too heavy for you?” This was the question that
came to him from the irrevocable past. And that other statement: “I will
be your mother made young again.” And that other one, too: “I, too, am a
living creature.”
He recalled some old letters she had written him and which he had
carefully preserved. He read them over with the care and caution he
would have exercised in studying an agreement, the disregard or
fulfilment of which was a matter of life and death. And there were bits
of old embroidery from her girlhood which he acquired in order to lock
them up and keep them as if they were sacred relics.
She stood out in his mind and his soul more vividly with each passing
hour. If he remembered how she sat and listened when he played or
discussed his works, he felt something clutching at his throat. He
recalled how she crept up to him once and pressed her forehead against
his lips: this picture was enshrouded in the awe of an unfathomable
mystery.
It was not a sense of guilt that bound him to his deceased wife. Nor was
it contrition or self-reproach or the longing that finds expression in
the realisation of accumulated neglect. His fancy warded off all thought
of death; in its creative defiance it invested the dead woman with a
reality she never possessed while making her pilgrimage in bodily form
over this earth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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