Never before had Frederick Norman let any important thing drift. And
when he started in with Dorothy he had no idea of changing that fixed
policy. He would have scoffed if anyone had foretold to him that he
would permit the days and the weeks to go by with nothing definite
accomplished toward any definite purpose. Yet that was what occurred.
Every time he came he had in mind a fixed resolve to make distinct
progress with the girl. Every time he left he had a furious quarrel with
himself for his weakness. "She is making a fool of me," he said to
himself. "She _must_ be laughing at me." But he returned only to repeat
his folly, to add one more to the lengthening, mocking series of lost
opportunities.
The truth lay deeper than he saw. He recognized only his own weakness of
the infatuated lover's fatuous timidity. He did not realize how potent
her charm for him was, how completely content she made him when he was
with her, just from the fact that they were together. After a time an
unsatisfied passion often thus diffuses itself, ceases to be a narrow
torrent, becomes a broad river whose resistless force is hidden beneath
an appearance of sparkling calm. Her ingenuousness amused him; her
developing taste and imagination interested him; her freshness, her
freedom from any sense of his importance in the world fascinated him,
and there was a keener pleasure than he dreamed in the novel sensation
of breathing the perfume of what he, the one time cynic, would have
staked his life on being unsullied purity. Their relations were to him a
delightful variation upon the intimacy of master and pupil. Either he
was listening to her or was answering her questions--and the time flew.
And there never was a moment when he could have introduced the subject
that most concerned him when he was not with her. To have introduced it
would have been rudely to break the charm of a happy afternoon or
evening.
Was she leading him on and on nowhere deliberately? Or was it the sweet
and innocent simplicity it seemed? He could not tell. He would have
broken the charm and put the matter to the test had he not been afraid
of the consequences. What had he to fear? Was she not in his power? Was
she not his, whenever he should stretch forth his hand and claim her?
Yes--no doubt--not the slightest doubt. But--He was afraid to break
the charm; it was such a satisfying charm.
Then--there was her father.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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