'What a lot of stuff you've written,' he said. 'I shall never be able
to get this into one number.'
'I didn't intend you should. It's to be used in instalments, if it's
good enough. I did it all in advance, because I'm going away.'
'Going away!' he cried, arresting himself in the midst of an
inhalation of smoke. 'Where?'
'I don't know,' she said wearily.
He looked alarm and interrogation.
'I am going to leave the Goldsmiths,' she said. 'I haven't decided
exactly what to do next.'
'I hope you haven't quarrelled with them.'
'No, no; not at all. In fact, they don't even know I am going. I only
tell you in confidence. Please don't say anything to anybody.
Good-bye. I may not come across you again. So this may be a last
good-bye.'
She extended her hand; he took it mechanically.
'I have no right to pry into your confidence,' he said anxiously, 'but
you make me very uneasy.' He did not let go her hand; the warm touch
quickened his sympathy. He felt he could not part with her, and let
her drift into Heaven knew what. 'Won't you tell me your trouble?' he
went on. 'I am sure it is some trouble. Perhaps I can help you. I
should be so glad if you would give me the opportunity.'
The tears struggled to her eyes, but she did not speak. They stood in
silence, with their hands still clasped, feeling very near to each
other, and yet still so far apart.
'Cannot you trust me?' he asked. 'I know you are unhappy, but I had
hoped you had grown cheerfuller of late. You told me so much at our
first meeting, surely you might trust me yet a little farther.'
'I have told you enough,' she said at last. 'I cannot any longer eat
the bread of charity; I must go away and try to earn my own living.'
'But what will you do?'
'What do other girls do? Teaching, needlework, anything. Remember, I'm
an experienced teacher, and a graduate to boot.'
Her pathetic smile lit up the face with tremulous tenderness.
'But you will be quite alone in the world,' he said, solicitude
vibrating in every syllable.
'I am used to being quite alone in the world.'
The phrase threw a flash of light along the backward vista of her life
with the Goldsmiths, and filled his soul with pity and yearning.
'But suppose you fail?'
'If I fail----' she repeated, and rounded off the sentence with a
shrug.
It was the apathetic, indifferent shrug of Moses Ansell; only his was
the shrug of faith in Providence, hers of despair. It filled Raphael's
heart with deadly cold, and his soul with sinister forebodings. The
pathos of her position seemed to him intolerable.
'No, no, this must not be!' he cried, and his hand gripped hers
fiercely, as if he were afraid of her being dragged away by main
force.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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