'Nothing about her life since she left Mrs. Goldsmith; but I saw her
before, and she told me it was her intention to cut herself adrift.
Nobody knew about her authorship of the book; nobody would have known
to this day if she had not chosen to reveal it.'
The minister was trembling.
'She cut herself adrift?' he repeated interrogatively. 'But why?'
'I will tell you,' said Raphael in low tones. 'I don't think it will
be betraying her confidence to say that she found her position of
dependence extremely irksome; it seemed to cripple her soul. Now I see
what Mrs. Goldsmith is, I can understand better what life in her
society meant for a girl like that.'
'And what has become of her?' asked the Russian. His face was
agitated, the lips were almost white.
'I do not know,' said Raphael, almost in a whisper, his voice failing
in a sudden upwelling of tumultuous feeling. The ever-whirling wheel
of journalism--that modern realisation of the labour of Sisyphus--had
carried him round and round without giving him even time to remember
that time was flying. Day had slipped into week and week into month
without his moving an inch from his groove in search of the girl whose
unhappiness was yet always at the back of his thoughts. Now he was
shaken with astonished self-reproach at his having allowed her to
drift perhaps irretrievably beyond his ken.
'She is quite alone in the world, poor thing!' he said after a pause.
'She must be earning her own living, somehow. By journalism, perhaps.
But she prefers to live her own life. I am afraid it will be a hard
one.' His voice trembled again. The minister's breast, too, was
labouring with emotion that checked his speech, but after a moment
utterance came to him--a strange choked utterance, almost blasphemous
from those clerical lips.
'By God!' he gasped. 'That little girl!'
He turned his back upon his friend and covered his face with his
hands, and Raphael saw his shoulders quivering. Then his own vision
grew dim. Conjecture, resentment, wonder, self-reproach, were lost in
a new and absorbing sense of the pathos of the poor girl's position.
Presently the minister turned round, showing a face that made no
pretence of calm.
'That was bravely done,' he said brokenly. 'To cut herself adrift! She
will not sink; strength will be given her even as she gives others
strength. If I could only see her and tell her! But she never liked
me; she always distrusted me. I was a hollow windbag in her eyes--a
thing of shams and cant--she shuddered to look at me. Was it not so?
You are a friend of hers, you know what she felt.'
'I don't think it was you she disliked,' said Raphael in wondering
pity. 'Only your office.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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