'Rejoice! What's the good of that to me? I want you to care for me; I
want to look forward to your being my wife.'
'Really I cannot take advantage of a moment of folly like this. You
don't know what you're saying. You saw me last night after many years,
and in your gladness at seeing an old friend you flare up and fancy
you're in love with me. Why, who ever heard of such foolish haste? Go
back to your studies, and in a day or two you will find the flame
sinking as rapidly as it leapt up.'
'No, no! Nothing of the kind!' His voice was thicker and there was
real passion in it. She grew dearer to him as the hope of her love
receded. 'I couldn't forget you. I care for you awfully. I realised
last night that my feeling for you is quite unlike what I have ever
felt towards any other girl. Don't say no! Don't send me away
despairing. I can hardly realise that you have grown so strange and
altered. Surely you oughtn't to put on any side with me. Remember the
times we have had together.'
'I remember,' she said gently. 'But I do not want to marry anyone;
indeed I don't.'
'Then, if there is no one else in your thoughts, why shouldn't it be
me? There! I won't press you for an answer now. Only don't say it's
out of the question.'
'I'm afraid I must.'
'No, you mustn't, Esther--you mustn't!' he exclaimed excitedly. 'Think
of what it means for me! You are the only Jewish girl I shall ever
care for; and father would be pleased if I were to marry you. You know
if I wanted to marry a _Shiksah_ there'd be awful rows. Don't treat me
as if I were some outsider with no claim upon you. I believe we should
get on splendidly together, you and me. We've been through the same
sort of thing in childhood; we should understand each other, and be in
sympathy with each other in a way I could never be with another girl,
and I doubt if you could with another fellow.'
The words burst from him like a torrent, with excited, foreign-like
gestures. Esther's headache was coming on badly.
'What would be the use of my deceiving you?' she said gently. 'I
don't think I shall ever marry. I'm sure I could never make you--or
any one else--happy. Won't you let me be your friend?'
'Friend!' he echoed bitterly. 'I know what it is--I'm poor! I've got
no money-bags to lay at your feet. You're like all the Jewish girls,
after all. But I only ask you to wait--I shall have plenty of money
by-and-by. Who knows what more luck my father might drop in for? There
are lots of rich religious cranks. And then I'll work hard, honour
bright I will.'
'Pray be reasonable,' said Esther quietly. 'You know you are talking
at random. Yesterday this time you had no idea of such a thing. To-day
you are all on fire. To-morrow you will forget all about it.'
'Never! Never!' he cried. 'Haven't I remembered you all these years?
They talk of man's faithlessness and woman's faithfulness. It seems to
me it's all the other way. Women are a deceptive lot.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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