The Great Adventure: A Play of Fancy in Four ActsBennett, Arnold
General
The Great Adventure: A Play of Fancy in Four Acts
Bennett, Arnold
English drama
ALCAR. I should be sorry to interfere with Mr. Texel's amusement, but I
think the moment has now come for me to make a disclosure. When I was
approached as to this affair I consulted Mr. Cyrus Carve first, he being
the sole surviving relative of his cousin. That seemed to me to be the
natural and proper course to adopt. Mr. Cyrus Carve gave me a very
important piece of information, and it is solely on the strength of that
information that I have invited you all to come here this afternoon.
(He looks at CYRUS.)
CYRUS. (Clearing his throat, to EBAG and CARVE.) Of course, you'll
argue that after thirty-five years absence it's a wise man that can
recognize his own cousin. I'm absolutely convinced in my own mind that
you (scorn-fully to CARVE) are not my cousin. But then, you'll tell me
that men have been hung before now on the strength of sworn
identification that proved afterwards to be mistaken. I admit it. I
admit that in theory I may be wrong. (With increased grim sarcasm.) I
admit that in theory the original Mrs. Shawn may be wrong. Everything's
possible, especially with a bully of a K.C. cross-examining you, and a
judge turning you into 'copy' for Punch. But I've got something up my
sleeve that will settle the whole affair instantly, to the absolute
satisfaction of both plaintiff and defendant.
CARVE. My dear fellow, why not have told us this exciting news earlier?
CYRUS. Why not? (Glowering at CARVE.) Because I wanted you to commit
yourself completely beyond any withdrawing. I decided what sort of man
you were the moment I first set eyes on you, and when I heard of this
law case, I said to myself that I'd come forward as a witness, but I
shouldn't give any evidence away in advance. I said to myself I'd show
you up once and for all in full court. However, his lordship prevailed
on me.
CARVE. Well?
CYRUS. When my cousin and I were boys I've seen him with his shirt off.
CARVE. True. And he's seen you with yours off.
CYRUS. Now just here (pointing to left front neck below collar), just
below his collar, my cousin Ilam Carve had two moles close together--one
was hairy and the other wasn't. My cousin was very proud of them.
CARVE. Oh!
CYRUS. (Ferociously sarcastic.) I suppose you'll say you've had them
removed?
CARVE. (Casually.) No. Not precisely.
CYRUS. Can you show them?
CARVE. (Very casually.) Of course.
TEXEL. (Slapping his knee.) Great! Great!
CYRUS. (Staggered but obstinate.) Well, let's have a look at them.
ALCAR. (To JANET.) Then doubtless you are familiar with this double
phenomenon, Mrs. X?
JANET. Yes. But he isn't so proud of his moles now as he used to be when
he was a boy.
ALCAR. Now, gentlemen, you see how beautifully clear the situation is.
By one simple act we shall arrive at a definite and final result, and we
shall have avoided all the noise and scandal of a public trial. Mr. X,
will you oblige us very much by taking your collar off?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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