was B--ff--n, I should have the pleasure of seeing them in after life with no more calf to them than an ostrich’s; whereas, if I took care to rub them upwards every morning, then, when she grew up, I should have the satisfaction of beholding the dear with as fine a pair of legs as an opera-dancer, or, she might say, a fashionable footman. So that, by the time dear mother had finished her instruction, I plainly saw, from what she said, that Nature had not done half its duty to babies, but had sent them into the world with their joints as imperfectly put together as cheap furniture, and that if the greatest care wasn’t taken with them, they would be as certain to warp in all kinds of ways as any of the other articles which are puffed off as such temptations to persons about to marry. My poor Edward was nearly out of his wits with joy at having such a beautiful child; and the stupid ninny would go giving Mrs. Toosypegs half a sovereign when she declared that it was the very image of its papa--and so the little angel was. But my gentleman must go cutting his stupid jokes again, and saying that as he missed a silver spoon down-stairs, he should like to know whether the child had been born with one in its mouth--which set Mrs. Toosypegs off laughing so violently, that she seemed to think that she might as well work out her half sovereign that way as any other. So, upon that, Mr. Edward went on, and said, that as it hadn’t been born with a silver spoon, perhaps it had with a Britannia metal one, which, he said, would be quite as lucky, as every one knew that it was a very good substitute for silver. I was much gratified to hear a gentle ring at the street-door bell, which, I felt sure, was some one come to inquire after my health; and as Miss Susan was out, I told Mrs. Toosypegs to tell whoever it was that I had got a very fine little girl, and that we were going on as well as could be expected. When she came up again, she told me that it was a life guardsman, with tremendous big black mustachios, who said he was quite delighted to hear it; so I at once saw that it was none other than that dreadful amorous ogre of a Ned Twist, who was making such violent cupboard love to my maid; and I asked Mrs. Toosypegs whether she had ever noticed any strange goings on in the kitchen, and requested her, as a favour, to keep a sharp eye upon Susan. I felt satisfied, that now she had got me safe in bed, she would be carrying on fine games, and I should be having half the barracks at supper in my kitchen every night; so I begged of Mrs. Toosypegs, whenever she went down-stairs, to make a point of looking in the coal-cellar, saying that was the cage in which she stowed her Robbing Red-breasts--as Edward very cleverly calls them.