I declare I could hardly smother my laughter with my pocket-handkerchief, for, as I whispered in Edward’s ear, it was Susan, I knew, that had been running up the bill there with that vagabond, Ned Twist, and that two or three days before I had seen her going out with that very parasol, I could see Edward was determined to have a bit of fun, for, with a wicked smile, he asked the man whether there might not be some mistake, for Mrs. Yapp was a highly respectable lady, and he could not bring himself to believe that she would, at her time of life, go keeping company with a life-guardsman. But the man said, “What mistake can there be?--didn’t the lady acknowledge that the parasol was hers?--and how should I have known where the owner of it lived, if she hadn’t at the time given her address. But of course she wont acknowledge it, because I’ve mentioned it before company; though I’ll be bound, that if I had seen her alone, she would have recollected all about it pretty quickly; still it’s useless her trying to get out of it; for there’s the bill, and if she’ll look at it, she’ll see what she had, and that there was five shillings paid, and a matter of two and threepence left owing, and that’s what I want; and if I don’t get it, I shall take the parasol back--that’s all.” And the man handed Mrs. Yapp the account, who threw it back upon the table. “I don’t want to see your bill, sir,” she cried. “It’s all a shameful imposition, and you know it is; and what’s more, if you don’t give me up my parasol this minute, I shall appeal to Mr. Sk--n--st--n to make you. I never heard of such a thing, in all my life, coming here and taking away a respectable woman’s character, in the hopes of getting a trumpery two and threepence. Did you see me at your ‘Chalk Farm,’ as you call it, sir?” “No,” replied the man; “but the waiter that served you did, and so did missus; and she said, you were with Ned Twist,--and he’s very well known to us, for he brings more business to our house than any other man in the regiment,--and if it hadn’t been for fear of losing _his_ custom, we shouldn’t have trusted _you_.” “Well, my good man,” said my husband, with a roguish grin, “as you’re so positive, I’d better pay you the money, rather than have any disturbance about such an unpleasant business.” And Edward having done so, the man left, when Mrs. Yapp flew out in a most dreadful way, and declared, that Edward ought to be ashamed of himself for encouraging the man in the way he did, and going on as if he really believed what the villain had said. But Edward just put it to her, as a woman of the world, to say whether he could have done otherwise, when the facts of the case were so very strong against her; in all of which I of course agreed. And I declare it _was_ such capital fun to see how she went on, when Edward took up the bill, and began reading it aloud as follows:--