The Greatest Plague of Life: or, the Adventures of a Lady in Search of a Good Servant.Mayhew, Henry
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The Greatest Plague of Life: or, the Adventures of a Lady in Search of a Good Servant.
Mayhew, Henry
English wit and humor; Household employees
though I had up some dozen of young urchins, I pretty soon saw that they
were nothing at all equal to the pattern outside; and the beauty of it
was, that the man wanted to persuade me that a nasty little
crumpet-faced, moist-sugar-haired, stunted orphan, was the very one to
suit me, saying, “That the lad had got more marks for morals than any
other boy in the school.” But, “No, thank you,” I replied; “I think I’ll
take that youth, if you please,” pointing to the best-looking of the
show ones; for I was determined to do the same here as I do with those
dreadful cheats of linendrapers, and be served from the superior
articles ticketed up in the window.
I wasn’t long before I had my young Turk’s livery, and a beautiful one
it was to be sure. Oh, when it came home, I think it looked the sweetest
thing I ever set eyes upon in all my life. The jacket was a claret, with
three rows of sugar-loaf buttons, as close together as a rope of onions;
and there were a pair of nice quiet dark-coloured pantaloons, running
rather into the port wine than partaking of the claret; and to guard
against the brat’s growing out of them before they were fairly worn out,
I had taken the wise precaution of having two or three tucks put in at
the bottom of them--though, really and truly for the matter of that, I
might just as well have let it alone--for positively the urchin shot up
so fast that I do think he must have grown six tucks, at least, the
first year he was with me. And the worst of it was, your clarets do fade
so, that by the time the tucks were let out, his trousers had got so
plaguy light, and the place where the tucks had been was so plaguy dark,
that upon my word the bottom of his legs had large black rings round
them like the legs of an imitation bamboo bedstead. And though I tried
to get them over his boots, yet, do as I would, I could not manage it;
for if I made him strap them down, there were a good three inches of
shirt showing all below his jacket, and if I made him brace them up,
there were all the tops of his dirty socks to be seen above his
bluchers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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