As I saw that my gentleman was in one of his nasty, teasing, facetious moods, I thought it best to turn the conversation, which I very cleverly did by asking him what kind of a woman Mrs. Yapp was, when he burst out laughing again, assuring me that she was a very nice woman, only she was too fond of her medicine-bottle, and was dreadfully addicted to doctor’s stuff; for she took pills as if they were green peas, and seemed to have as strong a penchant for powders as other people had for snuff. And he considerably alarmed me by saying that the worst of it was, she had a strange conviction that all her friends stood as much in need of medicine as she did, as she was never happy unless she could prevail upon some one to try some of her filthy potions or lotions, and which she always would have it were just the things one wanted; and really she herself had swallowed so much rhubarb, and senna, and camomile, in her time, that she had a complexion for all the world like a Margate slipper, although she would tell you, that if it wasn’t for what she had taken, she would never have had a bit of colour in her cheeks. When she came up to town last time, she wouldn’t let Edward drink a drop of tea; for she would insist that the green was made up of verdigris, and that the black was all coloured with lead, and that the only way to ensure a long life was to take two or three cups of good strong nettle or dandelion for breakfast every morning, and which, she said, she highly recommended for family use. He cautioned me, however, above all things, never to allow her to persuade me to try any of her nostrums, for that he verily believed she had physicked her daughter into an early grave, and that if I allowed her to go playing any pranks with the very fine constitution I have of my own, I should find that her powder and pills would bring me down as safe as powder and shot. So I told him that he wouldn’t catch me taking any of her nasty messes, and I hoped and trusted that he would get her out of the house as soon as ever he possibly could. At length, the day arrived for my lady’s coming, and Edward would have me get a nice little dinner ready for her. So I warmed up some of the pea-soup we had left the day before, and which was as nice as any I had ever tasted; and then I thought a sweet, tender, juicy steak, well stewed, with a good thick gravy, would be as delicious a thing as she could well sit down to--indeed, I’m very partial to it myself--and with three or four pork chops, well browned, with the kidney in them, just to put at the end of the table, and a sweet little plum-pudding, with brandy sauce, to face me, and a few custards opposite Edward, and after that, just a mouthful of macaroni, with a little cheese grated over it, and a stick or two of celery to follow--I fancied it would be a very nice dinner for her, and one that I felt I could enjoy myself.