Betrothal -- Fiction; England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
This was the speech that severed Mrs. Trenchard from her brother. She
never forgot nor forgave it. She never forgave it because she could not
forget it: his words were to haunt her from the moment of their
utterance until the last conscious instant of her life. She had been
born entirely without imagination, but she had not been born without the
wish for romance. Moreover, the Faunder tradition (which is the same as
the Trenchard tradition) taught her to believe that there was something
enfeebling and dangerous about imagination, and that the more one
thought about things not immediately within sight the less likely one
was to do one’s daily task with efficiency. Her longing for a romantic
life therefore (that is for the justification of her own personal
existence) was assisted by no private dreams nor castle-building. No
Faunder or Trenchard had ever built a castle in the air when there were
good square manors and vicarages waiting to be constructed on good solid
ground. She directed the whole of her passionate life towards her
relations with her children, but never even to herself would she admit
that she had any passionate life at all. Take away the children and
there was nothing left for her except her religion; because the loss of
them would be the one tragedy that would drive her to question the
justice of her God was justification of itself for her passionate
determination.
Now Timothy had said that she would lose them—well, Timothy should see.
With other children, with other mothers, it might be so. God Himself
should not take them from her.
Nevertheless, as the children grew, the shadows of his words ever
pursued her and hemmed her in. She watched, with close attention, other
families, and saw that Timothy’s warning was justified often enough, but
always she was able to find for herself some reason. The weakness of
selfishness or carelessness of the parent. Not weak, nor selfish, nor
careless could any watching Powers, waiting to pounce, accuse her of
being!
When the children grew older she discovered certain things about them.
Henry often annoyed her with his untidiness and strangely unjustified
egotism. He always thought about himself, and yet never did anything.
She liked Henry least of her children.
Mildred was delightful, clever, the “show child”, but for that very
reason would in all probability be, afterwards, the most restless of
them. As the two girls grew Mrs. Trenchard told herself that, perhaps,
Millie would have to be sacrificed, and in telling herself this she
implied that if she would only, when the time came, allow Millie without
a murmur to depart, the Gods would be satisfied with that and Katherine
would remain.
It came to this, that by the time that Katherine was twelve she was the
centre of her mother’s existence. Mildred and Henry would be held as
long as it was possible to hold them, but, if the worst came, they
should go. Katherine would always remain....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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