For the next few days Sir Gilbert felt thoroughly unsettled and out of
sorts. His ordinary avocations seemed to have lost all interest for
him; he was unable to fix his attention on anything outside the special
current of his thoughts for more than a few minutes at a time. He shut
himself up in his own room, a small apartment which opened out of the
library, and even Everard Lisle was only admitted to the briefest
possible audience each forenoon. His mental attitude at this time was a
puzzle to himself. A wonderful thing had come to pass. One which, had
an inkling of it been permitted him beforehand, he should have assured
himself could not fail to fill his few remaining days with a happiness
undreamt of, and almost too deep to find expression in words. A gift,
the most precious of any he could have asked for (seeing that we cannot
bring back our lost ones from the tomb), had been vouchsafed to him,
yet, strange to say, he felt little or none of that elation which would
have seemed the natural outcome of such a state of affairs. Why was
this, and to what cause was it attributable? He tried to look forward
to the presence of his newly-found grandson as to something that would
crown his life with a blessing, and to mentally picture their daily
life together in time to come, but he derived no pleasure from the
process; neither did the future, now that he looked at it with fresh
eyes, as it were, take to itself any added brightness from the fact
that a son of his son would succeed him when the time should have come
for him to pass into the Silent Land.
“Is it that my heart is dead?” he sadly asked himself, “or is it
because I am so old and have gone through so much, that only the ghost
of either joy or sorrow will ever keep me company again? Or is it,” he
went on, “because in this youth who has so suddenly intruded himself
into my life I can discern nothing that serves to recall his father to
memory, nor any likeness, however vague, to any of my pictured
ancestors in the long gallery—who are his ancestors also—that I seem in
no way drawn towards him? I cannot tell why it is so. I only know that
it is.”
In one respect, however, he derived a certain amount of mordant
satisfaction from the knowledge that he would now be followed by an
heir in the direct line of descent. His detested kinsman, Colonel
Eustace Clare, who, he felt sure, never missed a day without hoping it
would bring the tidings of his death, would now, at what might be
termed the eleventh hour, be baulked of his chance of succession to the
title, even as the cutting off of the entail in years gone by had
deprived him of all prospect of ever succeeding to the estates.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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