Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
which, with a joviality that has been checked for a moment only, they
scan the room in search of the person whom they can tell about their own
little affairs, or ask to introduce them to some one else, or offer a
“lift” in their carriage when it is time to go home. The Duc de
Guermantes, while congratulating himself on the “good wind” that had
blown him into the arms of his nephew, was still so surprised at the
reception—natural as it was—that had been given him by my mother, that
he declared later on that she was as disagreeable as my father was
civil, that she had “absent fits” during which she seemed literally not
to hear a word you said to her, and that in his opinion she had no
self-possession and perhaps even was not quite “all there”. At the same
time he had been quite prepared (according to what I was told) to put
this state of mind down, in part at any rate, to the circumstances, and
declared that my mother had seemed to him greatly “affected” by the sad
event. But he had still stored up in his limbs all the residue of bows
and reverences which he had been prevented from using up, and had so
little idea of the real nature of Mamma’s sorrow that he asked me, the
day before the funeral, if I was not doing anything to distract her.
A half-brother of my grandmother, who was in religion, and whom I had
never seen, had telegraphed to Austria, where the head of his Order was,
and having as a special privilege obtained leave, arrived that day.
Bowed down with grief, he sat by the bedside reading prayers and
meditations from a book, without, however, taking his gimlet eyes from
the invalid’s face. At one point, when my grandmother was unconscious,
the sight of this cleric’s grief began to upset me, and I looked at him
tenderly. He appeared surprised by my pity, and then an odd thing
happened. He joined his hands in front of his face, like a man absorbed
in painful meditation, but, on the assumption that I would then cease to
watch him, left, as I observed, a tiny chink between his fingers. And at
the moment when my gaze left his face, I saw his sharp eye, which had
been making use of its vantage-point behind his hands to observe whether
my sympathy were sincere. He was hidden there as in the darkness of a
confessional. He saw that I was still looking and at once shut tight the
lattice which he had left ajar. I have met him again since then, but
never has any reference been made by either of us to that minute. It was
tacitly agreed that I had not noticed that he was spying on me. In the
priest as in the alienist, there is always an element of the examining
magistrate. Besides, what friend is there, however cherished, in whose
and our common past there has not been some such episode which we find
it convenient to believe that he must have forgotten?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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