Great Britain. Royal Navy -- Fiction; Seafaring life -- Fiction
Unperceived. This thought clung to her through the night on which
her father told her that Ordith was coming on the morrow. It made
easy the acceptance of ease. She lived in the moment, noticing with
unprecedented pleasure certain details of her room’s appearance--the
soft roughness of the blankets, the beading on the brass handles of her
dressing-table, the pale lights of blue and gold that mingled in the
bevel of her mirror. She undressed slowly. Once, with her hands and
arms raised above her head and her chin thrown back, she watched the
light and shadow move over her bosom and throat as she drew breath....
A sudden weakness overcame her; her arms dropped; she was surprised by
the strange, wild expression in her reflected eyes. Her face seemed
thinner, her eyes more deeply set; upon her lips pallor had fallen.
This would be her appearance when she was older; this, a little
accentuated, would be her appearance as she lay dead.... Something she
wore brushed and hissed against the eiderdown. She turned quickly and
laid her outspread hand upon the bed, so that light billows of satin
rose between her white fingers. She touched her arm with a slow caress.
With her nail she caused a long, shrill sound to issue from the silk.
Frightened by the unknown spirit that possessed her, she stood in
the middle of the room, swaying from her feet, her lips parted, her
eyes wide. The intolerable stillness within, the lifeless folds of
the flowered curtains, that would hang in just those folds though she
slept, though she died, laid some spell upon her, and she strained her
ears for the low murmuring of the sea. A board creaked beneath her.
There, close to her, in her own room, were evil presences--or was it
that a Presence was withdrawn and the room empty, and she alone?
Unperceived.... She crouched beside her bed because as a child she had
thus knelt to pray. The scent of linen, the pressure of her finger-tips
upon her forehead, the fragrance of her own hair--why did these
memories of Childhood’s bedtimes come back to her now with mockery and
sadness? Their significance was changed, and their sweetness gone from
them.
“O God, make me pray. Take away this insistence of touch and sound and
sight. Make me believe the Spirit is powerful still, and can prevail
... and shall prevail; and that life is not just living in the body and
the hour. And give me----”
It was as if she had been speaking to one who, unperceived, had gone
from the room. She had not been heard. Throughout the prayer she had
been thinking how the pile of the carpet was pressed down by her knees.
For long she remained kneeling, her face hidden, her hair dark over her
hands. She knew what she would do: she would take Ordith. She might be
afraid at first, but soon he would win her, soothe her. Of course she
would take him; that had been planned, preordained.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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