'I am going to be a schoolmistress--I think I am.'
'A schoolmistress?'
'Yes. And Picotee returns to the same occupation, which she ought never
to have forsaken. We are going to study arithmetic and geography until
Christmas; then I shall send her adrift to finish her term as
pupil-teacher, while I go into a training-school. By the time I have to
give up this house I shall just have got a little country school.'
'But,' said her mother, aghast, 'why not write more poems and sell 'em?'
'Why not be a governess as you were?' said her father.
'Why not go on with your tales at Mayfair Hall?' said Gwendoline.
'I'll answer as well as I can. I have decided to give up romancing
because I cannot think of any more that pleases me. I have been trying
at Knollsea for a fortnight, and it is no use. I will never be a
governess again: I would rather be a servant. If I am a schoolmistress I
shall be entirely free from all contact with the great, which is what I
desire, for I hate them, and am getting almost as revolutionary as Sol.
Father, I cannot endure this kind of existence any longer; I sleep at
night as if I had committed a murder: I start up and see processions of
people, audiences, battalions of lovers obtained under false
pretences--all denouncing me with the finger of ridicule. Mother's
suggestion about my marrying I followed out as far as dogged resolution
would carry me, but during my journey here I have broken down; for I
don't want to marry a second time among people who would regard me as an
upstart or intruder. I am sick of ambition. My only longing now is to
fly from society altogether, and go to any hovel on earth where I could
be at peace.'
'What--has anybody been insulting you?' said Mrs. Chickerel.
'Yes; or rather I sometimes think he may have: that is, if a proposal of
marriage is only removed from being a proposal of a very different kind
by an accident.'
'A proposal of marriage can never be an insult,' her mother returned.
'I think otherwise,' said Ethelberta.
'So do I,' said her father.
'Unless the man was beneath you, and I don't suppose he was that,' added
Mrs. Chickerel.
'You are quite right; he was not that. But we will not talk of this
branch of the subject. By far the most serious concern with me is that I
ought to do some good by marriage, or by heroic performance of some kind;
while going back to give the rudiments of education to remote hamleteers
will do none of you any good whatever.'
'Never you mind us,' said her father; 'mind yourself.'
'I shall hardly be minding myself either, in your opinion, by doing
that,' said Ethelberta dryly. 'But it will be more tolerable than what I
am doing now. Georgina, and Myrtle, and Emmeline, and Joey will not get
the education I intended for them; but that must go, I suppose.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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