'Pray don't, Neigh--I don't deserve it, indeed. Of course it is well
meant in you to recognize any slight powers, but I don't deserve it.
Certainly, my self-assurance was never too great. 'Tis the misfortune of
all children of art that they should be so dependent upon any scraps of
praise they can pick up to help them along.'
'And when that child gets so deep in love that you can only see the
whites of his eyes--'
'Ah--now, Neigh--don't, I say!'
'But why did--'
'Why did I love her?'
'Yes, why did you love her?'
'Ah, if I could only turn self-vivisector, and watch the operation of my
heart, I should know!'
'My dear fellow, you must be very bad indeed to talk like that. A poet
himself couldn't be cleaner gone.'
'Now, don't chaff, Neigh; do anything, but don't chaff. You know that I
am the easiest man in the world for taking it at most times. But I can't
stand it now; I don't feel up to it. A glimpse of paradise, and then
perdition. What would you do, Neigh?'
'She has refused you, then?'
'Well--not positively refused me; but it is so near it that a dull man
couldn't tell the difference. I hardly can myself.'
'How do you really stand with her?' said Neigh, with an anxiety
ill-concealed.
'Off and on--neither one thing nor the other. I was determined to make
an effort the last time she sat to me, and so I met her quite coolly, and
spoke only of technicalities with a forced smile--you know that way of
mine for drawing people out, eh, Neigh?'
'Quite, quite.'
'A forced smile, as much as to say, "I am obliged to entertain you, but
as a mere model for art purposes." But the deuce a bit did she care. And
then I frequently looked to see what time it was, as the end of the
sitting drew near--rather a rude thing to do, as a rule.'
'Of course. But that was your finesse. Ha-ha!--capital! Yet why not
struggle against such slavery? It is regularly pulling you down. What's
a woman's beauty, after all?'
'Well you may say so! A thing easier to feel than define,' murmured
Ladywell. 'But it's no use, Neigh--I can't help it as long as she
repulses me so exquisitely! If she would only care for me a little, I
might get to trouble less about her.'
'And love her no more than one ordinarily does a girl by the time one
gets irrevocably engaged to her. But I suppose she keeps you back so
thoroughly that you carry on the old adoration with as much vigour as if
it were a new fancy every time?'
'Partly yes, and partly no! It's very true, and it's not true!'
''Tis to be hoped she won't hate you outright, for then you would
absolutely die of idolizing her.'
'Don't, Neigh!--Still there's some truth in it--such is the perversity of
our hearts. Fancy marrying such a woman!'
'We should feel as eternally united to her after years and years of
marriage as to a dear new angel met at last night's dance.'
'Exactly--just what I should have said. But did I hear you say "We,"
Neigh? You didn't say "WE should feel?"'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account