The Countess appeared to feel some difficulty in giving that question
its fit reply. She mixed another tumbler full of maraschino punch, and
drank one good half of it before she spoke again.
“It has everything to do with my new play,” was all she said. “Answer
me.” Francis answered her.
“Miss Lockwood may be here in a week. Or, for all I know to the
contrary, sooner than that.”
“Very well. If I am a living woman and a free woman in a week’s time—or
if I am in possession of my senses in a week’s time (don’t interrupt
me; I know what I am talking about)—I shall have a sketch or outline of
my play ready, as a specimen of what I can do. Once again, will you
read it?”
“I will certainly read it. But, Countess, I don’t understand—”
She held up her hand for silence, and finished the second tumbler of
maraschino punch.
“I am a living enigma—and you want to know the right reading of me,”
she said. “Here is the reading, as your English phrase goes, in a
nutshell. There is a foolish idea in the minds of many persons that the
natives of the warm climates are imaginative people. There never was a
greater mistake. You will find no such unimaginative people anywhere as
you find in Italy, Spain, Greece, and the other Southern countries. To
anything fanciful, to anything spiritual, their minds are deaf and
blind by nature. Now and then, in the course of centuries, a great
genius springs up among them; and he is the exception which proves the
rule. Now see! I, though I am no genius—I am, in my little way (as I
suppose), an exception too. To my sorrow, I have some of that
imagination which is so common among the English and the Germans—so
rare among the Italians, the Spaniards, and the rest of them! And what
is the result? I think it has become a disease in me. I am filled with
presentiments which make this wicked life of mine one long terror to
me. It doesn’t matter, just now, what they are. Enough that they
absolutely govern me—they drive me over land and sea at their own
horrible will; they are in me, and torturing me, at this moment! Why
don’t I resist them? Ha! but I do resist them. I am trying (with the
help of the good punch) to resist them now. At intervals I cultivate
the difficult virtue of common sense. Sometimes, sound sense makes a
hopeful woman of me. At one time, I had the hope that what seemed
reality to me was only mad delusion, after all—I even asked the
question of an English doctor! At other times, other sensible doubts of
myself beset me. Never mind dwelling on them now—it always ends in the
old terrors and superstitions taking possession of me again. In a
week’s time, I shall know whether Destiny does indeed decide my future
for me, or whether I decide it for myself. In the last case, my
resolution is to absorb this self-tormenting fancy of mine in the
occupation that I have told you of already. Do you understand me a
little better now? And, our business being settled, dear Mr. Westwick,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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