"Yes, I'll do that," Rachael agreed automatically. A moment later she
said urgently: "Warren, isn't there a chance that I'm right about this?
Mightn't it be better simply to telephone everyone that the dance is
postponed? Make it next week, or Mi-Careme--anything. If they talk--let
them! I don't care what they say. They'll talk anyway. But every fibre
of my being, every delicate or decent instinct I ever had, rebels
against this. Say I'm not well, and let them buzz! I know what you are
going to say--I know that it would SEEM less sensitive, less fine, to
mourn for one man while I'm another man's wife, than to absolutely
ignore what happens to him, but you know what's the truth! I never
loved him, and I love every hair of your head--you know that. Only--"
She stopped short, baffled by the difficulty of expressing herself
accurately.
"If you really love me, do what I ask you to-night," Warren Gregory
said firmly.
His wife sat as if turned to stone for only a few seconds. When she
spoke it was naturally and cheerfully.
"I'll be ready in no time, dear. Where are we to dine?" She glanced at
her little crystal clock as she spoke, as if she were computing
casually the length of the drive before dinner. But what she said in
her heart was, "At this time to-morrow it will all have been over for
many hours!"
A few days later the Gregorys sailed for Bermuda, Rachael with a sense
of whipped and smarting shame that was all the more acute because she
could not share it with this dearest comrade and confidant. Warren
thought indeed that the miserable episode of the past week had been
dismissed from her mind, and delighting like a boy in the little
holiday, and proud of his beautiful wife, he found their hours at sea
cloudless. With two men, whose acquaintance was made on the steamer,
they played bridge, and Rachael's game drew other players from all
sides to watch her leads and grin over her bidding. They walked up and
down the deck for hours together, they lay side by side in deck chairs
lazily watching the blue water creep up and down the painted white
ropes of the rail; but they never spoke of Clarence Breckenridge.
The Mardi-Gras dance had been like a hideous dream to Rachael. She had
known that it would be hard from the first sick moment in which the
significance of Clarence's suicide had rushed upon her. She had known
that her arriving guests would be gay and conversational, that the
dance and the supper would go with a dash and swing which no other
circumstance could more certainly have assured for them; and she knew
that in every heart would be the knowledge that Clarence Breckenridge
was dying by his own hand, and his daughter on the ocean, and that this
woman in the Indian dress, with painted lips and a tiger skin outlining
her beautiful figure, had been his wife.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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