He looked down at the poor, small foot in its ragged shoe; yes, that
was the foot that was "sprained." And how it had trudged, and dragged
itself along for him, when every bone and muscle of her body ached! He
looked at her hands, thin even in their swollenness, raw and bleeding,
hard as a laborer's on the palms. How they had toiled and bled for
him! For him! And what about him? What about Philip Haig?
He leaned back from her, and closed his eyes. And suddenly it seemed
as if something fell away from them, as if something that had bound
and imprisoned and blinded him had been rudely shattered. In one
terrible, torturing revelation he saw clearly what he had been, what
he had done, what a miserable wreck he had made of life, what a
pitiable, dwarfed, misshapen thing his soul had become in comparison
with the soul of this girl whom he had despised. He saw that he had
lived a life of almost untouched egoism, setting his own wrongs above
all the other wrongs in the world, counting his own griefs the
greatest of all griefs, nursing his own tragedy as if it had been the
first tragedy and the last. Bitterly, remorselessly he reviewed his
selfishness, his hatred, his senseless rage, the heartlessness wrought
by himself in a nature that had been, in the beginning, as pure, if
not as precious and fine and beautiful, as hers.
And that was not all. He had taken woman for the special object of his
hatred. He had made himself believe that all women were alike. Was
there, then, only one kind of woman in a world filled with many kinds
of men? Because he had been a fool, because he had been deceived by
one woman, he had concluded, in his folly, that every woman was a
vampire or a parasite,--"a rag and a bone and a hank of hair"!
And now there lay before him indeed (and the words took on a new and
more terrible meaning) "a rag and a bone and a hank of hair." Yes,
this was all that was left of her. This was what he had made of the
most joyous and most beautiful creature that had ever crossed his
path; this was the best he could do for one who had had the misfortune
to love him and the courage to tell him so. This was his work! His
memory went back to that day before the post-office. How beautiful she
was then, how strangely beautiful, coming out of that halo of light by
the side of the golden outlaw. Something had stirred within him then,
as it had stirred again and again: at Huntington's when she reached
for his revolver; in his cottage that last afternoon of her nursing.
And he had repulsed it, put it down, and trampled on it, as if it had
been an execrable thing instead of the very treasure he had been
seeking all his life without knowing what he sought. And now he
recognized it for what it was--too late!
He bent nearer to her, listening.
"Philip! Philip!" she was saying, in tender, coaxing accents,
with that quivering of her chin that had many times been almost
irresistible.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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