Constance read the note mechanically, as she had read it the day before
when the postman had brought it. It explained nothing more than the
mere fact of delay, but she understood. The writer of the lost letter,
or his messenger, had thrust it under the door of the wrong house.
She laid the note aside and tilted the envelope to let a coin fall into
her palm. It was a double-eagle piece, little worn, but the memories
which clustered about its giving and taking seemed to dull the lustre
of the yellow metal. It was the price of sorrowful humiliation, no whit
less to the man who had taken than to the woman who had given it. She
put it that way in an inflexible determination to be just. Truly, his
acceptance of it was a thing to be remembered with cheek-burnings of
shame; but she would not hold herself blameless. In the light of that
which his letter disclosed, her charitable impulse became a sword to
slay the last remnant of manly pride and self-respect--if any remnant
there were.
She opened the letter and re-read it to the end, going back from the
scarcely legible signature to a paragraph in the midst of it that bade
fair to grave itself ineffaceably upon her heart.
"You may remember that I said I couldn't tell you the truth, because
it concerns a woman. When I add that the woman is yourself, you will
understand. I love you; I think I have been loving you ever since that
evening which you said we were to forget--the evening at the theatre.
Strangely enough, my love for you isn't strong in the strength which
saves. I went from you that night when you had bidden me God-speed
at Mrs. Calmaine's, and within the hour I was once more a penniless
vagabond.
"When you were trying to help me this afternoon, I was trying to keep
from saying that which I could never have a right to say. You pressed
me very hard in your sweet innocence"....
She sat down and the letter slipped from her fingers. The hurt was a
year in the past, but time had not yet dulled the pain of it. Not to
any human soul, nor yet to her own heart, had she admitted the one
living fact which stood unshaken; which would stand, like some polished
corner-stone of a ruined temple, when all else should have crumbled
into dust. For which cause she sat with clasped hands and eyes that saw
not; eyes that were still deep wells and clear, but brimming with the
bitter waters of a fountain which flows only for those whose loss is
irreparable. And while she wept, the sorrowful under-thought slipped
into speech.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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