Cairness clasped his hands about one knee and bent back, looking up at
the stars,--and far beyond them into the infinity of that Cause of which
they and he and all the perplexing problems were but the mere effects.
"You mustn't think I haven't thought it over, time and again," he said,
after a while. "It's more vital to me than to you; but my way isn't
clear. I loved Mrs. Cairness for more than ten years before I could
marry her. I should lose her in less than that, I am absolutely certain,
if I did as you suggest. She is not so strong a woman as you might
suppose. This dry air, this climate, are necessary to her." He hesitated
a little, rather loath to speak of his sentiments, and yet glad of the
chance to put his arguments in words, for his own greater satisfaction.
"You call it picturesque and poetical and all that," he said, "but you
only half mean it after all. It is picturesque. It has been absolutely
satisfactory. I'm not given to talking about this kind of thing, you
know; but most men who have been married two years couldn't say
truthfully that they have nothing to regret; that if they had had to buy
that time with eternity of damnation and the lake of fire, it would not
have come too dear. And I have had no price to pay--" he stopped short,
the ring of conviction cut off, as the sound of a bell is when a hand is
laid upon it. The hand was that of a fact, of the fact that had
confronted him in the Cañon de los Embudos, and that very day by the
cottonwoods of the spring-house.
"Mrs. Cairness would go where I wished gladly," he added, more evenly;
"but if it were to a life very different from this, it would end in
death--and I should be the cause of it. There it is." He too rose,
impatiently.
"Think it over, in any case," urged Forbes; "I am going in, good night."
"I have thought it over," said Cairness; "good night."
Cairness sat for a long time, smoking and thinking. Then Felipa's voice
called to him and he went in to her. She was by the window in a flood of
moonlight, herself all in flowing white, with the mantle of black hair
upon her shoulders.
He put his arm about her and she laid her head against his breast. "I
am jealous of him," she said, without any manner of preface.
He made no pretence of not understanding. "You have no need to be,
dear," he said simply.
"He gives you what I can't give," she said.
"You give me what no one else could give--the best things in life."
"Better than the--other things?" she asked, and he answered,
unhesitating, "Yes."
There was another silence, and this time he broke it.
"Why did you not tell me you had known Forbes, Felipa?" If it had not
been that she was commonly and often unaccountably reticent, there might
have been some suspicion in the question. But there was only a slight
annoyance. Nor was there hesitation in her reply.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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