Mrs. Douglas was a very wise woman and Bauer's trouble did not escape
her notice. She understood the reason for it, but it was only at the
close of the day, during the preparations for the night camp, that she
found an opportunity to speak to Bauer alone.
"Felix," she said, using his first name as she had begun to do of late,
to Bauer's quiet pleasure, "I know what is troubling you now. But Helen
did not go over to see Van Shaw of her own wish. She went because his
mother came over and brought a request from him to see Helen. No, I
don't think you need to know what was said there in our presence. It
ought to be enough for you to know that I am quite sure Helen has passed
the place of her infatuation, if indeed she has gone so far as to yield
to such a feeling. I could not let you imagine that Helen was really
lacking in real maidenly conduct."
Bauer's face shone with delight. "Oh, thank you, Mrs. Douglas! I have
been doing her injustice all day. You have no idea how relieved I feel.
And I have been sitting in judgment on everybody. Oh, if I were a monk
now, like one of my ancestors, I would lash myself bloody. What a fool I
must be to think I have a right to judge others as I have. And I have
let hatred and malice and revenge creep into my soul at the thought of
Van Shaw. I don't see how God can forgive me."
"He has forgiven a good many worse men than you, Felix," said Mrs.
Douglas, smiling at him. "Don't lose any sleep over that."
Felix Bauer slept like a child that night and as his habit was he
wakened early and as he sat up and saw the figure of Elijah Clifford
kneeling out on the sand, the same thought of God's benignant presence
occurred to him which the same sight had roused in him before. Clifford
rose and came in to make the usual preparations for breakfast.
"I have been praying for Ansa. By this time the folks must have got
there if the river is not in flood. We haven't had any runner bring bad
news. I don't know what I'd do if Ansa should be taken. It would just
about break Miss Gray's heart too. She thinks everything of that child.
She says she is going to train her to be a great teacher for her
people."
Bauer expressed his sympathy and asked if there was a good doctor to
come over to the mission from Flagstaff.
"Yes. Or it's possible Doctor West will be there from Raymond. He
sometimes pays us a visit about this time of the year. My! Wouldn't it
be providential if he should come along for Ansa. And he could dissect
you at the same time and like as not find out that your hemorrhages
don't come from your lungs, and that you haven't got consumption any
more than I have. The doctors sometimes make mistakes in their diagnoses
you know. Would you feel bad to learn that you didn't have tuberculosis
after all?"
"I believe I would be able to bear the news if it was broken to me
gently."
"But maybe Miss Helen wouldn't pity you so much, eh?"
"I don't want to be pitied."
Clifford looked up from his fire approvingly at Bauer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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