"I hope," he said, bitterly, "that you may never know what it is to love
and be forced--forced--to despise the one you love.... You told me you
loved me--and lied when you said it.... Even after you had made that
confession, after you had told me that thing, I loved you.... I would have
taken you and married you and it should never have existed for us.... I
could have done that. Even then I didn't despise you. It hurt--it was a
thing I couldn't think of and live--but I didn't despise you.... It was
only when I saw you with that man, day after day, shameless--only after
you made me see that loyalty and truth and decency were not in you, and
that you were a traitor to your country--that I despised you. And even
now, if I were able to see your eyes, I would doubt it.... How can you be
what you are and keep that look in your eyes?..."
"Potter!" she cried. "No!..."
"Who is Cantor?" he said, harshly.
"I can't tell you."
"You see?" he said, bitterly. Then his voice changed, became charged with
emotion, and the emotion thrilled her, moved her as she had never been
moved. "Even now I could love you; I could forget--everything but this.
You can't be _bad_. Great God! It isn't possible that you can be
altogether what you seem to be. Tell me, Hildegarde.... You can tell me
what I must know. It's your duty. It's a thing your country demands of
you.... It's your chance. Can't you see it is your chance--to keep
something of your soul alive? Do this thing; be loyal in this--and I can
keep on loving you till the end, with the rest blotted out. I will
remember only this.... Think, Hildegarde!... Don't let me go now. Don't
leave this thing as it is...."
She was sobbing, clinging to him childishly. The flame was gone out of
her, the light dead; the pertness, the keenness which had been so much of
her charm, had vanished, and she was nothing but a broken, wailing child.
"Oh, Potter--don't--don't!... Don't go away! Don't leave me!... I love
you, and I'm afraid! Oh, be good to me! Don't speak to me so!... Hold me;
take me in your arms and hold me--so I can feel safe--so I can know that
there is goodness in the world!... I love you!... I love you!"
If she had been clothed in flaming pitch he could not have resisted her;
he must have taken her in his arms and strained her against his heart if
the very touch of her had eaten the flesh from his bones.... They stood,
lips to lips, and the pain of his arms crushing her was very sweet.
He lifted his head. "Tell me," he said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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