As a natural opposite of her father, she had felt loyalty where he
exhibited disloyalty; his attitude toward the United States had compelled
her to a love for her country which otherwise might have lain as dormant
as it seemed to lie in the majority of men and women about her. But her
father quickened it, and she nursed it. It was not in her to do things by
halves, and inevitably she became fiercely, flamingly patriotic....
Perhaps girlishly patriotic; patriotic with immature enthusiasm.... She
brooded and dreamed. She saw herself frustrating her father's designs--but
always without betraying him. She pictured herself discovering plots, and
bringing them to futility with clever counter-plots. She pictured herself
in possession of indisputable evidence of her father's guilt, and would
sit painting to herself scenes in which she confronted him with it,
compelled him to grovel for mercy, and wrung from him promises to abandon
his sinister enterprises. But though she spied with what cleverness for
spying was in her, she hit upon nothing tangible. Almost she came to
believe there was nothing tangible to discover.
The thing was never absent from her mind. How could it be? One cannot
whistle away fear, shame, the sense of impending calamity which has its
birth in such certain insecurity as was hers. When a nature, reckless,
turbulent, headstrong--and feminine--is moved by such emotions as hatred,
terror, black doubt, love of country, all conflicting, a dance, a game of
cards, a novel, cannot bring forgetfulness nor ease of mind. It was
wearing on her, chafing at those restraints which were naturally irksome
to her. Hildegarde was being modified, as Potter had been modified, but
the forces that acted upon her were far different from the forces which
had worked upon him. To Potter, through enforced idleness, unavoidable
thought, had come certainty and sureness of purpose, darkened and made
saturnine through these last months by love that had come down about him
in ruins. To Hildegarde came only more uncertainty, more anguish of mind.
There was no light ahead; nothing was clear before her. The strain she
underwent, the constant pressure of suspense, the tenseness of a most
singular precariousness, all pulled her this way and that. How the thing
would end with her none could say. It would change her; another woman
would result, but what sort of woman? The answer depended upon the innate
strength of her soul, the sturdiness of such virtues as resided in her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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