“When elbow moved, and bellows blew, On green or floor the dancers flew, In many turns ran through and through With cap’ring canter, And aye their nimble feet beat true To his sweet chanter.” Among Border pipers, it may be added, the perfection of the art was supposed to consist of being able to sing, dance, and play—the Lowland pipe, of course—at the same time, and when the race became extinct there was lost with them many ancient melodies. Of the burgh pipers of Scotland there is not one left. The nearest approach to a burgh piper is perhaps the town’s officer of Leith, who on the occasion of the opening of a new bandstand in 1899 was presented with a set of pipes. [Illustration] CHAPTER XIII. FROM THE SEAT OF THE SCORNER. “Then bagpipes of the loudest drones, With snuffling broken-winded tones, Whose blasts of air, in pocket shut Sound filthier than from the gut. And make a viler noise than swine, In windy weather when they whine.” —_Hudibras._ Poking fun at the pipes—English caricature—Mixed metaphor—Churchism and pipes—Fifteenth century satire—A biographical sneer—Thackeray— Bitter English writers—Testimony of a Jew—Home sarcasm—The bards— Joanna Baillie—A Frenchman’s opinion—William Black—Ignorance breaking its shins—Imported sportsmen—The duty of Highlanders. There is a curious tendency, except in truly Highland circles, to poke fun at the pipes. This tendency is very noticeable in the domain of English comic journalism, the more or less comic papers hailing from the metropolis finding in Scottish people and Scottish customs an inexhaustible field of humour. They never tire of joking about the strictness of our religious beliefs, our supposed slowness at perceiving a joke, our relations with visitors from the south, our alleged parsimony, our national dress, and our national music; and they never fail to depict us as on every occasion wearing the kilt, carrying the pipes, and hiding away a bottle of whisky. Sydney Smith once declared that one might as well try to get music out of an iron foundry as out of the pipes, and Leigh Hunt’s idea of martyrdom was to be tied to a post within a hundred yards of a stout-lunged piper. Some cynics have said that the walls of Jericho fell at the blast of the bagpipe, and it has even been contended that the important part played by the instrument in many glorious victories achieved by our armies was simply due to the fact that the enemy had only two courses open—either to flee or to remain and lose all desire for existence. However, as all these things amuse our southern neighbours and do not injure us, we do not complain. [Illustration: “THE SPIRIT OF THE PIPES”[12] ] Footnote 12: