Soldiers are not nervous men as a rule, but a pipe-major of the Gordons was. While the regiment was being inspected, he noticed while standing behind the band that the colonel’s helmet was reversed. The officer seemed perturbed about something, strutting backward and forward, every now and then digging his sword into the ground. This made the pipe- major, who was anxious to call the colonel’s attention to the mistake in connection with his headgear, more nervous than before. At last by a supreme effort he mustered up courage, and stepping out of the ranks he approached the colonel, and after saluting said, “I beg your pardon, sir, but your helmet is upside down, sir.” “What!” roared the officer, evidently thinking the man had become insane. The pipe-major became more nervous than ever, and stammered out, “I beg your pardon, sir, but I mean to say, sir, that your helmet is outside in, sir.” “The devil it is, sir,” roared the colonel, and the pipe-major as a last resource got out, “Well, I mean to say, sir, that your hat is backside foremost, sir.” The colonel instantly calmed down, and took the incident in good part, put his “hat” right and thanked the pipe-major, who did not forget his nervousness or his mistakes for many days. Yet another instance of how the piper made free with his superiors. A Highland officer having in obedience to orders added a drum to his pipe band, a spirit of jealousy soon afterwards arose between the piper and the drummer respecting their title to precedence. This gradually increased until it became personal animosity. At length the subject of the quarrel was submitted to the officer, who decided in favour of the drummer, whereupon the piper exclaimed, “Ads wunds, sir (whatever that may mean), and shall a little rascal that beats upon a sheep’s skin tak’ the right hand of me that am a musician?” A musician, no less! The last item to be given under this heading is meant to illustrate the high opinion Highlanders have of the pipes, but I do not vouch for its authenticity. It is from a book of _Scottish Life and Character_:— “Dougal Mac Dougal, he left his native fastnesses for the great city of Glasgow, where he joined the police, as many a better man has done since. But Dougal was not content with being a policeman, he must needs join the police band. By-and-by another native of the fastnesses came to Glasgow, and meeting Dougal, he said-‘And wad it be true Tougal that her is a member of the polis prass pand?’ “‘Yus, Alastair, her was.’ “‘And what instrument was she play, Tougal?’ “‘Ta trombone.’ “Ta trombone! Her as draws and draws and plaws and plaws? Och, Tougal, wad she tempt Providence by leaving ta pipes for that?’” After which we had better adjourn. [Illustration] CHAPTER XV. DEMONIAC PIPES AND PIPERS.