He had been working steadily for some weeks, well enough satisfied on
the whole with the daily progress, glad to awake in the morning, and to
read over what he had written on the night before. The new year opened
with faint and heavy weather and a breathless silence in the air, but
in a few days the great frost set in. Soon the streets began to suggest
the appearance of a beleaguered city, the silence that had preceded
the frost deepened, and the mist hung over the earth like a dense
white smoke. Night after night the cold increased, and people seemed
unwilling to go abroad, till even the main thoroughfares were empty and
deserted, as if the inhabitants were lying close in hiding. It was at
this dismal time that Lucian found himself reduced to impotence. There
was a sudden break in his thought, and when he wrote on valiantly,
hoping against hope, he only grew more aghast on the discovery of the
imbecilities he had committed to paper. He ground his teeth together
and persevered, sick at heart, feeling as if all the world were fallen
from under his feet, driving his pen on mechanically, till he was
overwhelmed. He saw the stuff he had done without veil or possible
concealment, a lamentable and wretched sheaf of verbiage, worse, it
seemed, than the efforts of his boyhood. He was no longer tautological,
he avoided tautology with the infernal art of a leader-writer, filling
his wind bags and mincing his words as if he had been a trained
journalist on the staff of the _Daily Post_. There seemed all the
matter of an insufferable tragedy in these thoughts; that his patient
and enduring toil was in vain, that practice went for nothing, and
that he had wasted the labour of Milton to accomplish the tenth-rate.
Unhappily he could not “give in”; the longing, the fury for the work
burnt within him like a burning fire; he lifted up his eyes in despair.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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