The History and Records of the Elephant ClubDoesticks, Q. K. Philander
General
The History and Records of the Elephant Club
Doesticks, Q. K. Philander
American wit and humor
"'Who the divil did that?' sez Tim, as he made a spring from the coffin
on to the floor, dhressed all up in his white clothes. 'Show me the man
that shtruck me in me eye;' and wid that Tim he commenced a shtrikin'
out, and he shtruck Dennis Marony under the but of the lug. Whin they
saw Tim out of his coffin, they stopped a fightin', and fell on their
knees, and commenced a sayin' their prayers. 'What's the matther wid
yez?' says Tim.
"'Are ye not dead?' says Larry O'Brien.
"'Yes, as dead as a nest of live flaze,' says Tim.
"'Then yer alive,' says they.
"'Thry me wid some whisky,' says he; and wid that they got up and give
Tim some whisky, which he never dhrank wid a betther grace nor thin.
Well, as Tim wasn't dead, they couldn't howld the wake, but they said it
would be a pity to lave the whisky to spoil, so they agreed that they'd
have the spree just the same. Tim was purty wake from his fit, and so it
didn't take long to make him dead dhrunk, whin we laid him in his bed.
Afther that, yer honor, they kept on a dhrinkin', and was fightin' in
the most frindly way, whin the M.P.s come into the door, and tuck some
of thim off to the station-house. I thin shut up the house, and the rest
wint to bed.
"_Judge._--Mrs. Hennesy, where is Timothy, the corpse?
"'Here, sir,' said a cadaverous-looking Hibernian, 'a little the worse
for dyin' widout bein' very dead.'
"_Judge._--I think you're good for a few years yet if you take care of
yourself. Mr. O'Grady, have your other witnesses anything to testify in
addition to what Mrs. Hennesy has stated?
"_Mr. O'Grady._--I belave not, yer honer. The material facts of the
definse are sufficiently proven by Misthress Hennesy's evidence. Av the
Coort plase, I have a few words to say in behalf of me clients here,
which, av the Coort will hear me, I will make brief and to the point.
"_Judge._--Go on.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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