The History and Records of the Elephant ClubDoesticks, Q. K. Philander
General
The History and Records of the Elephant Club
Doesticks, Q. K. Philander
American wit and humor
When Mr. Dropper concluded the reading of his contributions, it was
moved that Mr. Quackenbush open his mouth, and say something, under the
penalty of having it pried open with the poker.
This caused Mr. Quackenbush to open his eyes; and, after various
preliminary hems and coughs, he announced that there was a certain rule
of evidence which gave a witness the right to refuse to say anything
tending to criminate himself. He should avail himself of that rule.
Having said these words, Mr. Quackenbush rolled over on the floor, drew
himself into double bow knot, and was soon snoring against noise.
In the meantime Mr. Spout had taken the floor, and stated that he had on
one occasion been over at the Essex Market Police Court. He was there
the involuntary witness of the trial of a case, which might account for
the non-communicative disposition manifested on the present occasion by
Mr. Quackenbush. During the proceedings, the justice called out the
name of R. Percy De Laney Blobb; and in response to the call a tall
individual arose and came forward. "I thought I recognized in the
individual in question," continued Mr. Spout, "a person whom I had seen
before, and I was not mistaken. He was wild, and disposed to regale the
assembled company with a numerous collection of songs, which he had at
his tongue's end. His dress was much disarranged.
"The evidence of the officer who had arrested the tall gentleman, went
to show that he had offended against the laws, by disturbing the rest
and quiet of an unappreciative neighborhood, by bawling forth at
midnight most unmelodious yells, which, when he was apprehended, he
assured the officer were capital imitations of Sontag, Grisi, and
Grisi's new baby. When arrested the individual was in a plebeian state
of drunkenness--not so much so but that he could sing, as he called it,
and could talk after an original fashion of his own. His ideas were
slightly confused; he informed the officer that he had been to hear
Louisa Crown sing the Pyne Diamonds, and that he met a friend who took
him to a billiard shop to see a clam race; that he and his friend bet
the whisky on the result; that he drunk for both, and that they had
passed the remainder of the evening in a 'magnorious manner,' singing
'Storm Columbus,' 'Yankee Boodles,' and the 'Scar Strangled Bladder.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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