The History and Records of the Elephant ClubDoesticks, Q. K. Philander
General
The History and Records of the Elephant Club
Doesticks, Q. K. Philander
American wit and humor
Our friends reached home about daylight, tired, draggled, disgusted, and
drunk. Neither of them undressed, but both slept on the floor in the
remains of their fancy costume, and in all their paint; they didn't get
their faces clean for ten days, but Remington Dropper had seen the
Elephant in one of his Fifth Avenue aspects, and was content.
CONCLUSION.
[Exeunt Omnes.]--SHAKESPEARE.
A few days after the events recorded in the last chapter, a letter was
received at the residence of one of the compilers of these records,
superscribed
Q.K. PHILANDER DOESTICKS, P.B.
The communication was signed by John Spout, and the writer, after
apologizing for communicating with a perfect stranger, stated his
reasons for so doing. It seems from the communication that Mr. Spout was
informed by a friend who was in the confidence of the United States
Marshal, that Mr. Spout and others were accustomed to meet in a room on
Broadway, and that they were strongly suspected of being engaged in the
organization of a fillibustering expedition to Nicaragua, and
furthermore, that it was the intention of the officious officials of the
United States Government to make a descent upon the premises and arrest
all who were present on the next regular meeting. Mr. Spout had no
difficulty in convincing his friend of the entire misapprehension of the
officers. But in the fullness of his modesty the worthy Higholdboy
thought that the time was not arrived when it would be prudent to
announce to the world the fact of the existence of a scientific
association, organized for the purpose of studying the Elephant.
Furthermore, he did not like to be arrested, even though he would be
acquitted, fearing that contact with stone walls might aggravate a
chronic catarrh with which he was afflicted. Under these circumstances,
he called a mass meeting of the members of the club, at his private
room, where, after a session of fourteen minutes it was unanimously
_Resolved_, That the Elephant Club cave in for the present, under the
pressure of strong necessity.
_Resolved_, That the landlord of the Club room whistle for the arrearage
of rent.
_Resolved_, That Q.K. Philander Doesticks, P.B., we have every reason to
believe, will fully appreciate the high character of the objects of the
Elephant Club.
_Resolved_, That he is hereby authorized to go to the Elephant Club
room, secure the records and such other property therein contained, as
he may desire.
_Resolved_, That the said Q.K. Philander Doesticks, P.B., is further
authorized to compile the said records for publication, if he thinks the
public can be induced to buy the book when it is published; and he is
further authorized to reorganize the Club in accordance with the same
principles of the old organization, and when the present federal
administration goes out of power, the present members will again put on
the scientific harness, and gladly co-operate with the club so formed,
to secure the ends desired.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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