The History and Records of the Elephant ClubDoesticks, Q. K. Philander
General
The History and Records of the Elephant Club
Doesticks, Q. K. Philander
American wit and humor
her in language expressive of my emphatic disapprobation of the
unasked-for and informal baptism with which she had been pleased to
favor me; I suppose my words must have frightened her; at any rate she
fell off from a stool on which she was elevated; she gave a scream; this
black Hercules came down the stairs; she informed him that I had
insulted her; he looked at me with his teeth grinning as if he would
like to have eaten me without gravy or condiment; he gave one diabolical
grin, and then came at me. I am not pugnacious; a lamb-like
inoffensiveness has ever been my prominent characteristic; I have a
constitutional repugnance to a fight, either with weapons natural or
artificial; if loaded fire-arms are around I never feel so safe as when
I see the butt-ends pointed at my vital parts; though not a member of
the Peace Society, yet that society has ever had in me an ardent
sympathizer; peaceful though I be, yet, when the sleeping lion within me
is aroused, I know no bounds to my rage, and I insist upon going about,
seeking whom I may devour; I saw the belligerent attitude of my enemy;
he struck me; we grappled; an insatiable desire to taste the flesh of a
colored man at that instant seized upon me; in a moment the digits of
his right hand were between my teeth; I know that for a moment or two
hostilities were active; I became conscious, too, that hostilities
ceased; I soon learned the cause; the cause was the arrival of two
policemen, who are always around when they shouldn't be, and never when
they should. I was brought to the station-house.'
"'Well, what took place before the court?' I asked.
"'At seven this morning,' said Buxton, 'we were brought before the
judge, and put in a pen; on one side of me was the aforesaid nigger,
and on the other side a disgusting piece of feminine humanity; an
importation from Ireland, who had just come off from a bender. Our names
were finally called, the nigger's first, by all that's holy. Two
officers who arrested us were the witnesses; they testified that on last
evening, about dusk, they were engaged in conversation on the corner of
a street which forms the boundary line between their respective beats,
when they saw a crowd collected on the sidewalk, about a square above;
they ran there, and they saw me and the nigger engaged in a fight; they
said that the nigger was striking me violently with his left fist; his
right hand was between my teeth, while I was kicking and striking the
nigger very generally and promiscuously, and a nigger woman who was
present was laying the blows on me with a broom whenever she could; at
that moment they arrested me and the nigger; it required all their
strength to secure us, such was the violence of our efforts to get away;
hence they were unable to take the woman into custody.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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