There had been a dark page in his history. He had hardly left
Manchester New College when he married suddenly a girl of some
beauty, but with an undeveloped sensuous temperament. They were to
live on a crust and give themselves to the service of man. His own
dream was still fresh when she deserted him in the company of one
of his oldest friends. He followed them, found them both in black
depths of remorse, and took her back. But the strain of living
together proved too much. She implored him to let her go and earn
her living apart. She had been a teacher, and she proposed to
return to her profession. He saw her established in Glasgow in the
house of some good people who knew her history, and who got her a
post in a small school. Then he returned to Manchester and threw
himself with reckless ardour into the work of feeding the hungry,
and nursing the dying, in the cotton famine. He emerged a broken
man, physically and morally, liable thenceforward to recurrent
crises of melancholia; but they were not frequent or severe enough
to prevent his working. He was at the time entirely preoccupied
with certain religious questions, and thankfully accepted the call
to the little congregation at Clough End.
Since then he had visited his wife twice every year. He was
extremely poor. His family, who had destined him for the
Presbyterian ministry, were estranged from him; hardly anyone in
Manchester knew him intimately; only in one house, far away in the
Scotch lowlands, were there two people, who deeply loved and
thoroughly understood him. There he went when his dark hours came
upon him; and thence, after the terrible illness which overtook him
on his leaving Clough End, he emerged again, shattered but
indomitable, to take up the battle of life as he understood it.
He was not an able nor a literary man. His mind was a strange
medley, and his mental sight far from clear. Of late the study of
Newman had been a revelation to him. But he did not cease for that
to read the books of scientific psychology which tortured him--the
books which seemed to make of mind a function of matter, and man
the slave of an immoral nature.
The only persistent and original gift in him--yet after all it is
the gift which for ever divides the sheep from the goats--was that
of a 'hunger and thirst after righteousness.'
CHAPTER IV
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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