He made his proposal with a haste and impulsiveness very unlike the
cool judgment he had so far shown in his business. It never
occurred to him to negotiate with the brother who might be quite
well able to maintain his sister without help. Besides he
remembered him as a hard man of whom both Margaret and 'Lias--soft,
sensitive creatures--were both more or less afraid. No, there
should be no doubt about it--not a day's doubt, if he could help
it! He could help, and he would; and if they asked him more he
would give it. Nearly midnight! But if he ran out to the General
Post Office it would be in time.
When he had posted it and was walking home, his anger was all gone.
But in its stead was the smart of a baffled instinct--the hunger
for sympathy, for love, for that common everyday life of the
affections which had never been his, while it came so easily to
other people.
In his chafing distress he felt the curb of something unknown
before; or, rather, what had of late taken the pleasant guise of
kinship and natural affection assumed to-night another and a
sterner aspect, and in this strait of conduct, that sheer
'imperative' which we carry within us made itself for the first
time heard and realised.
'I have done my duty and must abide by it. I _must_ bear with
her and look after her.'
Why?
'Because my father laid it on me?'--
And because there is a life within our life which urges and
presses?--because we are 'not our own'? But this is an answer which
implies a whole theology. And at this moment of his life David had not a
particle or shred of theology about him. Except, indeed, that, like
Voltaire, he was graciously inclined to think a First Cause probable.
Next day this storm blew over, as storms do. Louie came down early
and made the porridge for breakfast. When David appeared she
carried things off with a high hand, and behaved as if nothing had
happened; but anyone accustomed to watch her would have seen a
certain quick nervousness in her black, wild bird's eyes. As for
David, after a period of gruffness and silence, he passed by
degrees into his usual manner. Louie spent the day with Dora, and
he went off to Cheadle to conclude the purchase of that collection
of American books he had described to Louie. But first, on his way,
he walked proudly into Heywood's bank and opened an account there,
receiving the congratulations of an old and talkative cashier, who
already knew the lad and was interested in his prospects, with the
coolness of one who takes good fortune as his right.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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