David went down the lane homewards, whistling hard. But once, as he
climbed a stile and sat dangling his legs a moment on the top, he
felt his eyes wet again. He dashed his hand impatiently across
them. At this stage of youth he was constantly falling out with and
resenting his own faculty of pity, of emotion. The attitude of mind
had in it a sort of secret half-conscious terror of what feeling
might do with him did he but give it head. He did not want to
feel--feeling only hurt and stabbed--he wanted to enjoy, to take
in, to discover--to fling the wild energies of mind and body into
some action worthy of them. And because he had no knowledge to show
him how, and a wavering will, he suffered and deteriorated.
The Dawsons, indeed, became his close friends. In Margaret there
had sprung up a motherly affection for the handsome lonely lad; and
he was grateful. He took her 'cuts' down to the Clough End office
for her; when the snow was deep on the Scout, and Reuben and David
and the dogs were out after their sheep night and day, the boy
still found time to shovel the snow from Margaret's roof and cut a
passage for her to the road. The hours he spent this winter by her
kitchen fire, chatting with 'Lias, or eating havercakes, or helping
Margaret with some household work, supplied him for the first time
with something of what his youth was, in truth, thirsting for--the
common kindliness of natural affection.
But certainly, to most observers, he seemed to deteriorate. Mr.
Ancrum could make nothing of him. David held the minister at
arm's-length, and meanwhile rumours reached him that 'Reuben
Grieve's nevvy' was beginning to be much seen in the public-houses;
he had ceased entirely to go to chapel or Sunday school; and the
local gossips, starting perhaps from a natural prejudice against
the sons of unknown and probably disreputable mothers, prophesied
freely that the tall, queer-looking lad would go to the bad.
All this troubled Mr. Ancrum sincerely. Even in the midst of some
rising troubles of his own he found the energy to buttonhole Reuben
again, and torment him afresh on the subject of a trade for the
lad.
Reuben, flushed and tremulous, went straight from the minister to
his wife--with the impetus of Mr. Ancrum's shove, as it were, fresh
upon him. Sitting opposite to her in the back kitchen, while she
peeled her potatoes with a fierce competence and energy which made
his heart sick within him, Reuben told her, with incoherent
repetitions of every phrase, that in his opinion the time had come
when Mr. Gurney should be written to, and some of Sandy's savings
applied to the starting of Sandy's son in the world.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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