English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
"I have enjoyed it," I said truthfully, for I like trying to get the
mastery over a thing that defies me.
"You'll never guess what it cost," he chuckled.
"Tell me," I said. "I daren't guess."
"Well, in English money it works out at exactly three farthings."
I looked at him for a long time and then shook my head sadly.
"Charles, old friend," I said, "you've been done."
A COLD WORLD
Herbert is a man who knows all about railway tickets, and packing,
and being in time for trains, and things like that. But I fancy I
have taught him a lesson at last. He won't talk quite so much about
tickets in future.
I was just thinking about getting up when he came into my room. He
looked at me in horror.
"My dear fellow!" he said. "And you haven't even packed! You'll be
late. Here, get up, and I'll pack for you while you dress."
"Do," I said briefly.
"First of all, what clothes are you going to travel in?"
There was no help for it. I sat up in bed and directed operations.
"Right," said Herbert. "Now, what about your return ticket? You
mustn't forget that."
"You remind me of a little story," I said. "I'll tell it you while
you pack--that will be nice for you. Once upon a time I lost my
return ticket, and I had to pay two pounds for another. And a month
afterwards I met a man--a man like you who knows all about
tickets--and he said, 'You could have got the money back if you had
applied at once.' So I said, 'Give me a cigarette now, and I'll
transfer all my rights in the business to you.' And he gave me a
cigarette; but unfortunately--"
"It was too late?"
"No. Unfortunately it wasn't. He got the two pounds. The most
expensive cigarette I've ever smoked."
"Well, that just shows you," said Herbert. "Here's your ticket. Put
it in your waistcoat pocket now."
"But I haven't got a waistcoat on, silly."
"Which one are you going to put on?"
"I don't know yet. This is a matter which requires thought. Give me
time, give me air."
"Well, I shall put the ticket here on the dressing-table, and then
you can't miss it." He looked at his watch. "And the trap starts in
half an hour."
"Help!" I cried, and I leapt out of bed.
Half an hour later I was saying good-bye to Herbert.
"I've had an awfully jolly time," I said, "and I'll come again."
"You've got the ticket all right?"
"Rather!" and I drove away amidst cheers. Cheers of sorrow.
It was half an hour's drive to the station. For the first ten
minutes I thought how sickening it was to be leaving the country;
then I had a slight shock; and for the next twenty minutes I tried
to remember how much a third single to the nearest part of London
cost. Because I had left my ticket on the dressing-table after all.
I gave my luggage to a porter and went off to the station-master.
"I wonder if you can help me," I said. "I've left my return ticket
on the dress--Well, we needn't worry about that, I've left it at
home."
He didn't seem intensely excited.
"What did you think of doing?" he asked.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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