He also cleverly covered that wish by beginning to overstress the value of manliness. “I had a feeling,” he states, “that a man loses something of his manliness and dignity through his intimacy with a female person.” One must bear in mind that this man esteemed his mother very highly, holding her above all others as a person and as a woman. The normal person forms the image of his ideal woman after his mother. But he looks upon his mother as an exception and, like many other homosexuals, excepts his mother alone from the scorn with which he looks down upon the whole female sex. Now he tolerates woman but only with a sadistic feeling-attitude. For hatred vanquishes woman easier than love. The question, what is he seeking in man and why does he prefer men to women?, he answers as follows: “I seek the penis in man. I think chiefly of his penis. With men I find no resistance at all. Woman I consider ugly while man is beautiful. I look chiefly for womanly men who to me stand for the girl with the penis. _I was attracted only once to an elderly man with a very energetic face._ And what particularly attracts me to man: there is no question of any submissiveness with him. Man does not humble himself,—only woman does that.” But he does not seek the submissive woman. He needs a strong woman who shall domineer over him. He confesses that intercourse with a woman sadist would gratify him. But, as he states in his written account: women do not care to domineer, they want to be overpowered themselves. We note that the polar sexual tension between male and female is most extreme in his case. He could kill the woman who humiliates him, belittles him, as Judith killed Holofernes, because he had conquered her sexually.[32] His peculiar manner of masturbating (squeezing flies to death against the penis) discloses his specific onanistic fancy. He squeezes a woman to death, he strangles her, while cohabiting with her. A short time after the first analysis he had sexual intercourse with a servant girl. He described her to me: “a gigantic girl, and so powerful that she could have overpowered me with one hand!” With such a girl he felt safe. But he never dared to have sexual intercourse with weak persons, even though they exerted a stronger sexual attraction on him. He had every reason to flee from woman, because he feared the transposition of his excessive love passion into a deadly aggressive hatred. He claims he could have intercourse now only with a woman addicted to all sorts of perversities. Only such a woman could rouse his passion and could offer him something. He has never tried this out. It looks as if he feared the involvement of his heart, but that could use woman merely as a vehicle for his lust. A perverse woman would drown the urgings of his strongest paraphilia: the impulse to kill a woman. Now we may understand through his family history how this attitude must have arisen.