He relates how his mother once confessed to him that she found no
support in his father and actually felt lonely. On that occasion he wept
over his mother’s plight and passed a sleepless night.... His further
associations lead him to his father’s fatal illness: it was a slow
breaking down due to cancer. He could not take care of his father, and
was but of little service to the latter. It was shortly after his father
had dismissed his friend. He was still too absorbed in his own troubles.
He witnessed with detachment the terrible phases of the dying man’s last
struggle. A few days before the end he dreamed that he saw his father’s
body lying peacefully on the bier. It was plainly a dream of impatience.
He could hardly await his father’s passing away. He declares that he
hated his father heartily at the time, because the latter had allowed
himself to be induced by the mother to write that letter to his friend.
Strangely, he was never so angry with his determined mother as he was
with his weak-willed father. During the father’s funeral and upon
returning home he was unable to weep. This occurrence is typical of
those men for whom a death is the fulfillment of an old wish. In point
of fact the father was a burden and drag in the house. The mother
sacrificed herself and his death was a release for everybody. Moreover
his attitude towards his father had always been rather peculiar. They
had never had much in common....
He reports a number of small details illustrating how tirelessly his
mother endeavors to bind him to herself. Yesterday afternoon he was at
the theater and later went to the _Prater_. In the evening he found his
mother morose and pouting. She looked at him reproachfully saying: “Did
it not occur to you during your rounds of pleasure that you are leaving
your poor mother alone?”
He must think only of his mother and always feel that he is bound to her
forever. Aunts and neighbors always come to him to tell him how much
suffering he causes his poor mother by neglecting her. While he was
still suffering acutely the distress caused by his mother’s breaking up
his friendship with Ernst, he met the latter once secretly and they went
to a theater together. The mother knew it in some way and when he
returned home he found her in bed, her head wrapped in towels. Her
disappointment made her ill and she had to keep to her bed for a week.
Finally an aunt accused him of behaving like a murderer towards his
mother. She cannot understand that passion of his for that friend! Was
he perhaps in love with the young man’s sister? Happy to have a way out
of his difficulty suggested to him he answered the question in the
affirmative. That roused his mother’s jealousy to the highest pitch. But
she soon convinced herself that she had been fooled by him and that he
had no interest whatever in the girl.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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