He dwells on his relations with his mother. It is virtually a marriage
without any erotic elements. He does not tolerate his mother’s
tendernesses and he has asked her to refrain. There is now between them
genuine shyness. Erotic matters are never so much as touched upon.
Against his incestuous leanings he secures himself by the wall of an
apparent aloofness. But they live together, they go out together, they
share every enjoyment. His mother is a woman who has a grip on his whole
life. And at bottom he is not angry because she has interfered with his
other friendship. He understands her, that is, he sympathizes with her.
That friendship was an attempt to free himself of the mother. But the
mother instinctively did the right thing when she stepped in between her
son and his friend. He does not at bottom care to be liberated from the
slavery of his affection. He allows himself to be led about and to be
treated as a child. He talks as if the love and the chain were
disagreeable to him. Both trends—towards the mother and away from
her—are active in his soul: bipolarity.
The treatment should improve his neurotic condition only but should not
interfere with his attitude towards his mother. He dreams that he is
well and that he tells his mother, now he is all well and they are going
to be happier together than ever.
In connection with a dream another love affair comes to surface, dating
some 16 years back. He courted a certain girl and sent her some poems.
He thinks it was mere play, an attempt to “imagine” that he was also
capable of loving girls. That is how he endeavors to dismiss lightly his
heterosexual tendencies. But he thinks that the love poems were
irrelevant. He also composed poems to his mother, when he was away from
home for a short time:
“_Du meines keuschen Herzens Allgebieterin,
Der ich mich neige in tiefer Demut_ ...”
_“You, mistress of my chaste heart,
To whom I bow in deep humility_ ...”
The verses are full of yearning and passion. His blood calls for her,
his heart is filled only with yearning for her. These are the utterances
of a man who has lost his head by falling in love.
This case illustrates plainly the manner in which monosexuality leads to
homosexuality. But the subject himself did not want to recognize any of
these relations. All the powers of sublimation at his disposal he had
turned into his love for the mother. Therefore he had to cling to a
portion of his mysophilia (dirt compulsion). What he overdid on one side
in the way of cleanliness was compensated for on the other by a sinking
into filth. It is noteworthy that he does not care to be cleared of his
homosexuality. He looks upon it as a protection and as something that
sets him apart from other men. This again shows the hopelessness of any
therapeutic endeavors in most cases of this type.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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