You can appreciate how excited I was.
“After that father avoided me and my sisters. But the proposed marriage
did not take place,—I had accomplished that much. I went no longer to
his house when he had suddenly a light stroke and was forced to appeal
to us children. Then we had a complete family reconciliation and since
that time I have again my father. Now I see him daily, we children take
turns in looking after him.”
“Have you no feeling of guilt and did you never think that your father
fell ill because you wished it? Did you not want him to be so crippled
and reduced to your care that he should be able no longer to carry on?”
“I don’t feel guilty and I have no regrets. Only satisfaction.... I
wished it to be that way and it has come out as I wished. For now I have
once more a father of whom I need not be ashamed. But you must not think
that I was jealous on my own account. I only felt myself the
representative of my mother.”
“You are not jealous of your sister?”
“Yes ... when father is very demonstrative with her, I feel the same
wild jealousy come over me, but I control myself....”
Here we see jealousy rising out of an incestuous wish first directed
upon a man, then transferred to the whole environment. This transference
of jealousy to every one serves more effectively to cover the genuine
jealousy of the father. The death of the mother left this young woman in
a critical position. Obviously her wish as a child was: “_When mother
dies I will marry father._” A wish which so many girls entertain and
even openly express. With the death of the mother the new situation
presented itself. A place close to father was vacated and now other
women filled it. The old father’s behavior showed that he was still a
man. But one thing stood against this fancy: her husband. So long as he
lived she could not go to live with her father. Her husband’s illness
brought matters prospectively nearer to an issue. The physician had
declared that he could not live long, his heart trouble was serious. She
might yet be free! Her agitation explains a number of peculiar dreams
she had. She dreamed repeatedly of quarreling with her husband and of
striking him. _Several times already she has beaten him up and she has
even shot him in her dreams. She is also unfair to the child, turning
against it with hatred on slightest provocation._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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