Erda sat down on the bed beside the white muslin, and fingered the
quaint little cap idly, as she told herself that such things would be a
part of her duties in the future.
But only a part. Life was no unknown country to this girl, who had
spent years in a medical mission. She was no ignorant baby, standing,
in a fashion happily past, on the verge of she knew not what. She
looked ahead calmly, taking the world as the Creator made it. She
thought, without a flush, as good women do, of the children she hoped
might come; and as she thought, she frowned, not from any revolt of her
spiritual or physical nature, but because, once more, the question
arose: "Was not Lance right? Was not this the essence? Was it not
everything to be sure of the inheritance?"
She started up at the sound of her aunt calling her, glad of the
interruption.
Had she not better, the good lady suggested, try on the dress, now she
was about it, since if there was anything amiss, the sooner the tailor
set to work to rectify it the better.
Undoubtedly. Besides, she told herself, the mere putting on of this,
the sign of her new profession, would be healthful. It would give her
the feeling of being set apart for the life which she had chosen
deliberately, chosen with her eyes open, though, maybe, focussed too
much on that mental companionship. Too much? Impossible! Lance was
wrong. That was the crowning glory of marriage; and even if it seemed
hard to have to stand aside from actually fighting the good fight, the
victory would be hers--hers almost more than her husband's, since the
effort would be greater, the work more against the grain.
Yes, she would try on the dress; and if it did not fit perfectly, what
matter?
Was anything in the world perfect? Yet it should be as perfect as she
could compass; even the little cap should not lack its bunch of orange
blossoms! As she told herself this she was for the time womanhood
incarnate; womanhood playing, with dainty little tendernesses and
conceits, about the abyss for which it is responsible. So, with the
smile of an angel, she passed into the garden, the old militant feeling
at her heart. Her feet were on the golden stairs. She was going to
regain the lost Paradise hand in hand with one of those whom she had
driven from it. They were going to forget all the consequences of that
mistake. They were going to be--what?...
The vague confusion did not prevent her feeling that she was absolutely
certain she was on the right path. Indeed, the only regret of which she
was conscious was one that she was not on the other side of the river,
on the pilgrims' road, with the rest of the mission.
She stood looking over to the frowning cliffs from the little wooden
landing-stage, built out at the bottom of the garden into the wide
shallows of the river, which here showed scarcely a streak or dimple of
current. She could see the mission boat lying moored on the other side,
against the fighters' return.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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