It had seemed to her, then, that for Blaise ever to hear that she had
been locked in a room with Burke, had spent an uncounted, hour or so
with him at the “honeymooners’ inn” would be the uttermost calamity that
could befall her.
He would never believe that it had been by no will of hers--so she had
thought at the time--and that fierce lover’s jealousy which had been
the origin of their quarrel, and of all the subsequent mutual
misunderstandings and aloofness, would be roused to fresh life, and his
distrust of her become something infinitely more difficult to combat.
But compared with the present situation which confronted her, the
happenings of that past day faded into insignificance. She stood, now,
face to face with a choice such as surely few women had been forced to
make.
Whichever way she decided, whichever of the two alternatives she
accepted, her happiness must pay the price. Nothing she could ever say
or do, afterwards, would set her right in the eyes of the man whose
belief in her meant everything. Whether she agreed to marry Burke,
returning home in the odour of sanctity within the next hour or two, or
whether she refused and returned the next morning--free, but with the
incontrovertible fact of a night spent at Burke’s bungalow, alone with
him, behind her, Blaise would never trust or believe in her love for him
again.
And if she promised to marry Burke and so save her reputation, it must
automatically mean the end of everything between herself and the man
she loved--the dropping of an iron curtain compared with which the wall
built up out of their frequent misunderstandings in the past seemed
something as trifling and as easily demolished as a card house.
On the other hand, if she risked her good name and kept her freedom, she
would be equally as cut off from him. Not that she feared Blaise would
take the blackest view of the affair--she was sure that he believed
in her enough not to misjudge her as the world might do--but he would
inevitably think that she had deliberately chosen to spend an afternoon
on the Moor alone with Burke--“playing with fire” exactly as he had
warned her not to, and getting her fingers burnt in consequence--and
he would accept it as a sheer denial of the silent pledge of love
understood which bound them together.
He would never trust her again--nor forgive her. No man could. Love’s
loyalty, rocked by the swift currents of jealousy and passion, is not
of the same quality as the steady loyalty of friendship--that calm,
unshakable confidence which may exist between man and man or woman and
woman.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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