“No, no!” she cried tremulously. “We could never reach our House of
Dreams that way--Oh, I know it! At least, not the sort of House of
Dreams that would be worth anything to you or me, Blaise. It would
only be a sham, a make-believe. You can’t build true on a rotten
foundation.... Don’t ask me any more, dear. It’s so hard--so hard to
keep on saying no when everything in me wants to say yes. But I must say
it. And you... you must go back to Nesta.”
Her voice almost failed her. She could feel her strength ebbing with
every moment that he stayed beside her. She knew that she would not
be able to resist his pleading much longer. Her own heart was fighting
against her--fighting on his side!
He saw her weakness and caught at it eagerly.
“Do you know what you’re asking?” he demanded hoarsely. “Do you
know what you are sending me back to? Our life together--Nesta’s and
mine--has been simple hell upon earth. I obeyed you--and I took her
back. But I have done no good by it. She is as weak and worthless as she
ever was. Our days are one continual round of bickering and quarrels.”
His face darkened. “And she is not satisfied! Her nominal position as my
wife does not con tent her. Do you understand what that must mean--if
I go back?” He paused, his eyes bent steadily upon her. “Jean”--very
low--“now that you know--will you still send me hack to Nesta? Or will
you come with me and let us find our happiness together?”
He watched the scarlet flood surge into her face and then retreat,
leaving it a pallid white.
“Answer me!” he persisted, as she remained silent.
“Wait... wait a little...” she muttered helplessly.
She turned away from him and, leaning her elbows on the chimney-piece,
buried her face in her hands.
The supreme test had come at last. She realised, now, that her
renunciation--that renunciation which had cost her so much pain
and bitterness--had been, after all, only something superficial and
incomplete. She had not made the full sacrifice that duty and honour
demanded of her. Though she had outwardly renounced her lover--bade him
return to Nesta--she still held him hers by the utter faithfulness of
his love for her. Nesta had had but the husk, the shell--a husband in
name only, every hour of their life together an insult to her pride and
womanhood.
Jean’s thoughts lashed her. Her shoulders bent and cowered a little as
though beneath a physical blow.
There had been a time--oh! very long ago, it seemed, before Destiny
had come with her snuffers and quenched the twin flames and love and
happiness--a time when dimly, as in some exquisite dream, she had heard
the sound of little voices, felt the helpless touch of tiny hands.
Perhaps Nesta, too, had heard those voices, felt those clinging hands,
while her soul quickened to the vision of a future which might hold
some deeper meaning, some more sacred trust and purpose, than her empty,
wayward past.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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