There was a long silence, while Jean tried to fit in the new facts she
had learned with her knowledge of her father’s character. She was a
little afraid that Tormarin might misunderstand her impulsive outburst
of indignation.
“Don’t think that I am sitting in judgment on my father,” she said at
last. “In a way, I can--even understand his doing such a thing. You
know, for the last two years of my mother’s life I was with them both
constantly, and anyone living with them could understand their doing all
kinds of things that ordinary people wouldn’t do.” She paused, as though
seeking words that might make her meaning clearer. “They would never
really mean to hurt anyone, but they were just like a couple of children
together--gloriously irresponsible and happy. I always felt years older
than either of them. Glyn used to say I was ‘cursed with a damnable
sense of duty’”--laughing rather ruefully. “I suppose I am. Probably I
inherit it from our old Puritan ancestors on the Peterson side. I know
I couldn’t have cheerfully run off and taken my happiness at the cost of
someone else’s prior right.”
A look of extreme bitterness crossed Tormarin’s face.
“Wait till you’re tempted,” he said shortly. “Wait till _what you want_
wars against what you ought to have--what you’ve the right to take.”
For a moment she made no answer. Put bluntly like that, the matter
suddenly presented itself to her as one of the poignant possibilities of
life. Supposing--supposing such a choice should ever be demanded of her?
She felt a vague fear catch at her heart, an indefinable dread.
When at last she spoke, the eyes she lifted to meet Tor-marin’s were
troubled. In them he could read the innate honesty which was prepared
to face the question he had raised, and behind that--courage. A young,
untried courage, not sure of itself, it is true, but still courage that
only waited till some call should wake it into fighting actuality.
“I hope,” she said with a wistful humility that was rather touching, “I
hope I should stick it out One’s ideals, and duty, and other people’s
rights--it would be horrible to scrap the lot--just for love.”
“Worth it, perhaps. You”--his voice was the least bit uneven--“you
haven’t been up against love--yet.”
Again she was conscious of that little catch at her heart--the same
convulsive tightening of the muscles as one experiences when a telegram
is put into one’s hand which may, or may not, contain bad news.
“You haven’t been up against love yet.”
The words recalled her knowledge of the tragic episode that lay in
Tormarin’s own past. The whole history she did not know--only the odds
and ends of gossip which one woman had confided to another. But here, in
the man’s curt brevity of speech, surely lay proof that he had suffered.
And if he had suffered, it followed that he must have cared deeply for
the woman who had thrown him aside for the sake of another man.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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