The house of the dead : $b or, Prison life in SiberiaDostoyevsky, Fyodor
General
The house of the dead : $b or, Prison life in Siberia
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor
Exiles -- Fiction; Siberia (Russia) -- Fiction
Once within we were massed close to the door so that we could scarcely
hear anything except the deep voice of the ministering deacon; now and
again we caught a glimpse of a black chasuble or the bare head of the
priest. Then it came into my mind how, when a child, I used to look at
the common people who formed a compact mass at the door, and how they
would step back in a servile way before some important epauletted
fellow, or some nobleman with a big paunch, some lady splendidly dressed
and of high devotion who, in a hurry to get at the front benches, and
ready for a row if there was any difficulty as to their being honoured
with the best of places. As it seemed to me then, it was only _there_,
near the church door, not far from the entry, that prayer was put up
with genuine fervour and humility, only there that, when people did
prostrate themselves on the floor it was done with real abasement of
self and full sense of unworthiness.
And now I myself was in that place of the common people, no, not in
their place, for we who were there were in chains and degradation.
Everybody kept himself at a distance from us. We were feared, and alms
were put in our hands as if we were beggars; I remember that all this
gave me the strange sensation of a refined and subtle pleasure. “Let it
even be so!” such was my thought. The convicts prayed with deep fervour;
every one of them had with him his poor farthing for a little candle, or
for their collection for the church expenses. “I too, I am a man,” each
one of them perhaps said, as he made his offering; “before God we are
all equal.”
After the six o’clock mass we went up to communion. When the priest,
_ciforium_ in hand, recited the words, “Have mercy on me as Thou hadst
on the thief whom Thou didst save,” nearly all the convicts prostrated
themselves, and their chains clanked; I think they took these words
literally as applied to themselves, and not as being in Scripture.
Holy Week came. The authorities presented each of us with an Easter egg,
and a small piece of wheaten bread. The townspeople loaded us with
benevolences. As at Christmas there was the priest’s visitation with
the cross, inspecting visit of the heads of departments, larded cabbage,
general enlargement of soul, and unlimited lounging, the only difference
being, that one could now walk about in the court-yard, and warm oneself
in the sun. Everything seemed filled with more light, larger than in the
winter, but also more fraught with sadness. The long, endless, summer
days seemed peculiarly unbearable on Church holidays. Work days were at
least shortened to our sense by the fatigue of work.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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