“It seems to me,” he observed, “that I never watched the coming of so
beautiful an eve, and never felt anything so very much like happiness
as at this moment. After all, what a good world we live in! How good,
and beautiful! How young it is, too, with nothing really rotten or
age-worn in it! This old house, for example, which sometimes has
positively oppressed my breath with its smell of decaying timber! And
this garden, where the black mould always clings to my spade, as if I
were a sexton delving in a graveyard! Could I keep the feeling that now
possesses me, the garden would every day be virgin soil, with the
earth’s first freshness in the flavor of its beans and squashes; and
the house!—it would be like a bower in Eden, blossoming with the
earliest roses that God ever made. Moonlight, and the sentiment in
man’s heart responsive to it, are the greatest of renovators and
reformers. And all other reform and renovation, I suppose, will prove
to be no better than moonshine!”
“I have been happier than I am now; at least, much gayer,” said Phœbe
thoughtfully. “Yet I am sensible of a great charm in this brightening
moonlight; and I love to watch how the day, tired as it is, lags away
reluctantly, and hates to be called yesterday so soon. I never cared
much about moonlight before. What is there, I wonder, so beautiful in
it, to-night?”
“And you have never felt it before?” inquired the artist, looking
earnestly at the girl through the twilight.
“Never,” answered Phœbe; “and life does not look the same, now that I
have felt it so. It seems as if I had looked at everything, hitherto,
in broad daylight, or else in the ruddy light of a cheerful fire,
glimmering and dancing through a room. Ah, poor me!” she added, with a
half-melancholy laugh. “I shall never be so merry as before I knew
Cousin Hepzibah and poor Cousin Clifford. I have grown a great deal
older, in this little time. Older, and, I hope, wiser, and,—not exactly
sadder,—but, certainly, with not half so much lightness in my spirits!
I have given them my sunshine, and have been glad to give it; but, of
course, I cannot both give and keep it. They are welcome,
notwithstanding!”
“You have lost nothing, Phœbe, worth keeping, nor which it was possible
to keep,” said Holgrave after a pause. “Our first youth is of no value;
for we are never conscious of it until after it is gone. But
sometimes—always, I suspect, unless one is exceedingly
unfortunate—there comes a sense of second youth, gushing out of the
heart’s joy at being in love; or, possibly, it may come to crown some
other grand festival in life, if any other such there be. This
bemoaning of one’s self (as you do now) over the first, careless,
shallow gayety of youth departed, and this profound happiness at youth
regained,—so much deeper and richer than that we lost,—are essential to
the soul’s development. In some cases, the two states come almost
simultaneously, and mingle the sadness and the rapture in one
mysterious emotion.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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