Humorous stories; Married people -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
Must have been kind of a weird sight, there in the moonlight--me bein'
pursued up the road by this shack with legs under it, the little tin
smoke-pipe wavin' jaunty about nine feet in the air, and the geraniums
in the flower-boxes noddin' jerky.
"Say, what do you think you are?" I calls out. "A wooden tank goin' over
the top?"
I was sort of wonderin' how long he could keep this up, and what would
be the finish, when from behind me I hears this spluttery line of
exclamations indicatin' rage. It's Danny, who's got anxious about
lettin' me have the use of his coop and has come down to see what's
happenin' to it. Well, he saw.
"Hey! Stop him, stop him!" he yells.
"Stop him yourself, Danny," says I.
"But he's runnin' away with me little flag-house, thief of the worruld!"
howls Danny. "It's breakin' and enterin' and carryin' away th' property
of the Long Island Railroad that he's guilty of."
"Yes; I've explained all that to him," says I.
"Go back and come'out of that, ye thievin' Dutchman!" orders Danny,
rushin' up and bangin' on the door with his fists.
"Just let me out, you Irish shrimp!" snarls the Cap'n.
"Can't be done--not yet, Danny," says I.
"But--but he's destroyin' me flowers and runnin' off with me little
house," protested Danny. "I'll have the law on him, so I will."
"Get out, Irisher, or I'll fall on you," warns the Cap'n.
And right in the midst of this debate I sees Norton Plummer and his
chauffeur hurryin' up from across the tracks. I skips back to meet 'em.
"Well," says Plummer, "have you seen anything of the escaped prisoner?"
"That's him," says I, pointin' to the wabblin' shack.
"Whaddye mean?" says Plummer, starin' puzzled.
"He's inside," says I. "You said use strategy, didn't you? Well, that's
the best I had in stock. I got him boxed, all right, but he won't stay
put. He insists on playin' the human turtle. What'll we do with him now?
Come see."
"My word!" says Plummer, as he gets a view of the Cap'n's legs and the
big whiskered face at the little window. "So there you are, eh, you
runaway Hun?"
"Bah!" says the Cap'n. "Why do you call me Hun?"
"Because I've identified you as an escaped German naval officer," says
Plummer. "Do you deny it?"
"Me?" says the Cap'n. "Bah!"
"Who do you claim to be, then?" says I. "A tourist Eskimo or an
out-of-town buyer from Patagonia?"
"I'm Nels Petersen, that's who I am," says he, "and I'm chief engineer
of a ferry-boat that's due to make her first run at five-thirty-three."
"What!" says Plummer. "Are you the Swede engineer who has been writing
love letters to---- Say, what is the name of Mrs. Plummer's maid?"
"Selma," says the Cap'n.
"By George!" says Plummer. "I believe the man's right. But see here:
what were you doing prowling around my back yard to-night! Why didn't
you go to the servants' entrance and ask the cook for Selma, if you're
as much in love with her as you've written that you are?"
"What do you know about it?" demands Petersen.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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