And then, just as he had me feelin' like I ought to be led out and shot at sunrise, the old Major comes bustlin' in fussy. I could have fallen on his neck. "All ready!" says he. "Now I'll show you a fighting machine, young man, that is the last word in mechanical genius." "You can show me anything, Major," says I, "so long as it ain't a morgue or a State's prison." And he sure had some boiler-plate bus out there champin' at the bit. It looked just as frisky as the Flatiron Buildin', squattin' in the middle of the field, this young Fort Slocum with the caterpillar wheels sunk in the mud. "Stuck, ain't she?" I asked the Major. "We shall see," says he, noddin' to one of his staff, who proceeds to do a semaphore act with his arms. An answerin' snort comes from inside the thing, a purry sort of rumble that grows bigger and bigger, and next I knew, it starts wallowin' right at us. It keeps comin' and comin', gettin' up speed all the while, and if there hadn't been a four-foot stone wall between us I'd been lookin' for a tall tree. I thought it would turn when it came to the wall. But it don't. It gives a lurch, like a cow playin' leap-frog, and over she comes, still pointed our way. "Hey, Major!" I calls out above the roar. "Can they see where they're goin' in there? Hadn't we better give 'em room?" "Don't move, please," says he. "Just as you say," says I; "only I ain't strong for bein' rolled into pie-crust." "There's no danger," says he. "I merely wish you to see how---- There! Look!" And say, within twenty feet of us the blamed thing rears up on its haunches, its ugly nose high as a house above us, and, while I'm still holdin' my breath, it pivots on its tail and lumbers back, leavin' a path that looks like it had been paved with Belgian blocks. Course, that's only part of the performance. We watched it wallow into deep ditches and out, splash through a brook, and mow down trees more'n a foot thick. And all the time the crew were pokin' out wicked-lookin' guns, big and little, that swung round and hunted us out like so many murderous eyes. "Cute little beast, ain't it?" says I. "You got it trained so it'll almost do a waltz. If I was to pick my position, though, I think I'd rather be on the inside lookin' out." "Very well," says the Major. "You shall have a ride in it." "Excuse me," says I. "I was only foolin'. Honest, Major, I ain't yearnin'." "Telegram for you," breaks in Barnes, the secretary. "Oh!" says I, a bit gaspy, as I rips open the envelop. It's the one I'd been espectin'. All it says is: "Come at once. VEE." But I knew what that meant. "Sorry, Major," says I, "but I'll have to pass up the rest of the show. I--I'm called back." "Ah! To headquarters?" says he. "No," says I. "Home." He shakes his head and frowns. "That is a word which no officer is supposed to have in his vocabulary," says he.